Another Auld Lang Syne
by castlefan6
Summary: Authors Note: Based on song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, Warning THIS IS AU, with an only brief flash of Canon
1. Chapter 1

**Another Auld Lang Syne **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Based loosely on the song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, ****Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon****.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

**Present Day**

**San Clemente, California**

**Via Escorial Drive**

**Casa Castle Estate **

Rick sat at his oversized desk, glancing out the huge picture window that allowed him a perfect view of the San Gabriel Mountains, snow still on the peaks even now in early May. He chose this site to build his home once he faced the fact, there was nothing for him in New York anymore. Alexis was now at Stanford, he bought Black Pawn Publishing and relocated it, and Gina with him to Los Angeles.

She was a hell of an editor, say what you wanted, and even though their marriage didn't work, they never stopped caring about each other. He was there for her wedding to Richie Roseto, and he was there again holding her hand when she had to bury her husband of only a few years after a tragic accident.

She had seen him through some tough times as well, Hell, she was the one who told him to guard himself against Madison Queller. She had been right, he was used in her effort to make Kate Beckett and her beau jealous, that really worked out well, hell they got married. As much as he didn't want to or would allow himself to admit but that had been the clincher to compel the relocation to Los Angeles. Martha was still in the Loft, acting, well, going through the pretense of acting to stay with her friends from the theater. Rick didn't blame her, at her age he only hoped he would be half as active, and twice as discrete.

As he looked out over the majestic mountains he thought about life and its twists. Now that the Nikki Heat series had been concluded and three films made by his own production company, he was wealthier than at any time of his life. He had been comfortable for years, but now, well he had the money for anything that he wanted for toys. As he always had been, he was still very generous donating millions of dollars, many times anonymously to worthy causes.

His estate had a private beach, as well as a private road to the San Gabriel Mountains through road, when he missed New York from time to time, a few hours riding through the mountains usually brought him back to reality, he was much happier here than he would have been in New York. He had lucked out, he would admit, ending the Heat series was the right decision, even though at the time he had no clue of what if any would be his next step.

His next character came to him from the strangest of places, a funeral. When Gina lost her husband, one of the mourners was the ER Doctor who had fought day and night to save his life but had all the cards stacked against him from the start. Rick was outside of the hospital, giving Gina some privacy, when he saw the doctor come out of the ER Doors, with tears in his eyes. Rick approached him to thank him for trying so hard for Richie and Gina.

**FLASHBACK 4 MONTHS EARLIER**

"Doctor Sayer, I wanted to thank you for Gina, and Ritchie, they're good people, and I know you did everything you could for Richie. I'm sure Gina would say thanks as well" Rick offered his hand,

The exhausted doctor looked up and tried to dismiss the water in his eyes, "You a friend of the family Mr., sorry I didn't get your name, but your face looks very familiar."

"You could say that I'm Rick Rodgers, and I was married to Gina a long time ago"

"You're Rick Castle then, right? I knew you looked familiar, and thanks for the kind words, but I knew from the beginning it was going to be a tough fight, he fought like hell, he just ran out of energy."

"Yeah, I'm that guy, but I try to downplay it, especially times like these, Gina needs the quiet now, to grieve in private and not all the paparazzi around her. Richie was the love of her life, and he deserves respect, not to be cheapened by someone hawking books or movies."

"I agree with that, I always try to provide at least dignity even in death, sometimes that's all I can offer, no matter how many resources we have. Some days it just gets to you, I mean all of us are human, we all have cracking points, and this one is pushing me close to mine."

"So, what do you do for R&R Doctor Sayer, if I may ask?"

"It's Mike, and to answer your question, I ride my bike, sometimes for hours or run on the beach but it's always so crowded and getting worse."

"Well, if you need to get away come on out to my place, I have a guest house, private beach and a private road that leads to the San Gabriel range, you're welcome anytime." Rick handed him his business card. "Just let Paula Haas my manager know of your plans when you want to come and she will get you all set up, leave me a voice mail and perhaps we could share a drink." Rick was sincere

"Wow, that's nice of you Rick, I mean I probably won't get a shift off till next week, I'm taking time off for the funeral, it's the least I can do to show my respects to Ms. Gina, she's gone through hell in a short time."

"Yes, she has Mike, and you're right, it would really make her feel special to see you there. Let me know if you need anything and I'll see you at the funeral."

**PRESENT DAY**

Rick smiled in a fond memory; it was the start of a great but short friendship. Mike kept his promise and did come to the funeral, riding his beloved Harley, surprising Gina with his compassion. He had visited the estate three times before Rick received word that Mike had suffered a head-on collision on his way to the ER on his day off to treat an overflow of patients, he didn't survive and it was almost like reliving Richie's death for Gina.

She moved in with him for a few months, she couldn't stand to be alone, till she finally was strong enough to stay in her new home, she had never returned to the home she and her husband shared. Rick had a Condominium built to her specifications a few blocks away from him, close enough if she needed him, far enough to maintain privacy for both, though neither were in a hurry to put themselves on the market again.

Gina had enjoyed a wonderful marriage with Richie, while Rick had faced the heartbreak once again with Madison Queller. It had started off on such a hopeful note, even though the pairing of them was unconventional, to say the least. She had been friends with Beckett from 9th grade, and apparently had stolen her boyfriend in high school. Rick closed his eyes once again drifting back to that time, was it only three years earlier.

**FLASHBACK NYPD THREE YEARS EARLIER**

Rick Castle was working harder than he had ever worked before to impress a lady, not just any lady, but the beautiful Kate Beckett, Lead Detective of the Homicide Department, 12th precinct. He had pulled some strings to get an opportunity to follow her around during cases, he called it shadowing, she called it an invasion of her privacy. Even though things had gotten off to a rough start, it seemed to be getting better, Rick would bring her latte with two shots of sugar-free vanilla every morning, some mornings he would include a freshly baked bear claw.

Coffee became their thing, their good mornings, and if he were reading her correctly little acknowledgments that she was beginning to feel something for him. He was gaining until that day, the day that Deming walked into her life, and ruined his. He went from partner status to a third wheel and was ridiculed not only by her new love attraction, but she also allowed her supporter Esposito to throw cheap shots every time he could.

That's how he had met Maddie, she owned the restaurant where a famous chef was murdered, and through the investigation got to know Rick as a friend. The pinnacle issue for her came when their High School Reunion was coming up and she knew her and Kate's old beau, Brent Edwards would be attending. Somehow, he had contacted Kate, and she agreed to meet him at the reunion.

Maddie, not to be outdone, invited the world-famous author Rick Castle to accompany her, and Rick accepted without knowing the full story. At that time, he thought it was a diversion to get away from the sickening sight of Beckett slobbering all over Deming on stairwells like high school kids. His fears were short-lived, as was Deming's shot at getting anything more than a few weeks of romps in the sack with Beckett.

It appeared old love was rekindled, hell blast furnace was more like it between Beckett and Brent, and to the surprise of many, the two were married after three months of dating. Deming was a sore loser and said many things about Kate, words he regretted when she became Captain of the 12th when Roy finally retired, and Captain Beckett-Edwards assumed command four months later. Deming resigned and took a job in New Jersey.

Maddie and Rick continued to date, although it wasn't anything near the feelings he had for Beckett, he knew Maddie was trying to learn to love him, and that was enough for now. He attempted to break up with her as he was making plans to relocate to California, but she surprised him and sold Q3 to accompany him. The one thing that kept them close was their sex life, which was remarkable, for both.

Gina had warned him, that Maddie wasn't in it for the long haul, regardless of the actions she had taken, but Rick didn't listen. That was two years, 7 months ago when he came home to find a letter addressed to him, apologizing for being a coward, but explaining she had to leave, and she was sorry.

That was about as far as Rick got with the letter before he filed it in his desk drawer, right along with the wedding announcement, invitation, and press clippings of Beckett's wedding and promotion to Captain. He hadn't spoken to her since he left the precinct during the Q3 murder, and she hadn't bothered to contact him.

He had been in New York and visited Roy and Evelyn Montgomery to present Roy with his retirement gift, a state-of-the-art fishing boat, with twin outboard motors, and a year's membership to an exclusive fishing club. He had enjoyed his visit with his old friend and loved that he was able to surprise him with the gift he had been secretly saving for.

"Rick, this is far too expensive, how did you even know this was what I had been stashing all my winnings away for?" Roy was almost in tears when he saw the gift.

"Well, I learned a lot from a wise Police Captain who told me to get someone something they mentioned when they thought we weren't listening, so I did. Hell, without your help, the 12th, LT and the rest of the crew, Nikki Heat Books and movies would never have been created, so why not share the profits."

"Rick, that's kind, but shouldn't the profits belong to Espo, Ryan, and Kate, I mean I didn't contribute a great deal to your books or the content."

"Well, I'll say this Roy, Kevin has a house now, Espo, even if I think he is an Ass, received a deposit to his savings account, Lannie was gifted with lifetime airfare for her and her parents to visit, and LT was given the Ferrari he always wanted but would never ask to drive."

"That's very generous of you Rick, but didn't you forget the muse that Nikki was based on?"

"Actually, my lawyers made three attempts to transfer money to her account, it was returned, we then sent her a bank check, once again, it was returned, and finally I set up a college scholarship in her Mother's name and received a note to stay out of her business, I was causing trouble in her marriage. So, I instructed the attorneys who called the Dean, we killed the plans, and sent her a letter of apology, everything was done through my lawyers so nothing more I can do"

"Wow, I'm sorry Rick, I wasn't going to say anything, but Lanie let it slip that the marriage isn't going so well, she thinks he's already cheating on her, and*"

"God, look at the time Roy, I have to go, but hey enjoy the retirement, and if you get out west, you know how to find me, Goodbye, Friend, enjoy life" and he was gone.

**PRESENT DAY**

Rick had returned from the visit with Roy and seeing the old stomping grounds without any of the heartstrings being pulled as he had thought might have been. He relaxed on his plane on the return trip, he used his private jet now almost exclusively, he was tired of airports and the hassles and hell Janet was one of the best pilots in the business.

As he was relaxing and doodling, the idea of a character came to him, he had written enough of the cop themed stories, how about the medical fallout from the domestic abuse, and senseless violence going on in today's world. He thought about Dr. Sayer, his smile and that big Harley, his efforts to save a stranger, and the reason he lost his life, on a mission to help others.

That's the moment Dr. Alex Menendez was born, dealing with the tragedy of life before someone lost theirs. He thought he would draft it out, and if Gina thought it was crap, he would keep looking for his next character.

He had typed the entire first chapter which gave the back story of Dr. M as he was called coming from migrant farmworkers, working his way through school and finally graduating at the top of his class. He wanted the character to have a positive influence on the readers, he was done with murder, especially after his own heart had been killed in such a callous manner.

He paused and re-read what he had written, and even to him it sounded like good writing, but Gina was the boss when it came to that. She had taken him this far, and he didn't make a professional move without her consulting him.

He was hung up on a title until he recalled a conversation with Dr. Sayer about allowing the patients dignity. The title he arrived at was _**Do No Harm, The Essence of a Doctors Soul**_ where he could describe the actions of those who go to work each day, trying to save lives. All of them leave home knowing they will fail more often than they would like, but willing to take the heartache to save those who could be saved.

He was busy writing down notes for future chapters when Linda, the flight coordinator, and co-pilot came back to check on him.

"Rick, we'll be starting the descent in about 10 minutes, can I get you anything, a glass of wine, your single malt?"

"How about a water Linda, I'm working on something and I don't want it to be crap because of alcohol," he laughed

"Rick, 27 Best Sellers, I hardly think any of your work is crap, can you let me in on the new character and storyline? You're not resurrecting Nikki Heat, are you?" she blushed when she realized what she had said.

"God No, but thanks for letting me know just how well they would be received, just about like I thought. The new series is entitled, Do No Harm, The Essence of a Doctors Soul, and was inspired by the young doctor who worked so hard to save Gina's husband Richie, Doctor Michael Sayer. He told me that sometimes all he could do was provide dignity in death, but it was the last thing the person would experience on this earth."

"Wow, that's deep Rick, I think we all can relate to a Doctor who went way overboard in an effort to save or help a loved one, it's time they get their due, even if in a fictional book"

"Well, like murder, people are always getting sick, death and sickness will always be with us, so we need to get a handle on what those that work with it daily need for support. I think that if we can bring it to the attention of some, it will help a little"

"Rick, buckle up sweetie, but you're right, it will help a lot. Now let us do our job and get you on the ground and home safely, talk to you in a few minutes" she patted his hand and turned to walk to the cockpit, leaving Rick to watch the stars as they started their way down to the runway.

Something always touched him when he got this far, it seemed like the stars could just be picked from the air, they looked so close, another thing he never experienced in New York.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Another Auld Lang Syne **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Based loosely on the song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, ****Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon****.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

**Chapter 2**

**A/N Thanks for the outpouring of messages, reads, reviews, follows and favorites. I am especially happy that many of these came from those who have been members of the fandom for over five years, hope the story lives up to your expectations, and Many Thanks to you all, both old and new members.**

**Kate Beckett Apartment**

**New York,**

**Present Day**

Captain Kate Beckett had just made it through her front door, after another grueling day at the 12th precinct. She was just beginning to get settled into the apartment, after the divorce, once again kicking herself for being so stupid to do something so out of character for her. She made herself a cup of tea, began to open her mail and sat down on the couch to read and prop her sore feet up, being Captain had its perks but this bullshit of heels with skirts or pantsuits was for the birds.

She accidentally bumped the remote control, and she heard music coming from her stereo, what was that title? Oh yea, Desert Moon, but the group STYX wasn't singing this version it was just Dennis DeYoung solo, beautiful but sad. She paused, looked out the window as she heard the words.

_Those summer nights  
When we were young  
We bragged of things  
We'd never done  
We were dreamers, only dreamers  
And in our haste  
To grow up too soon_

A tear fell from her eye, was that what happened between her and Brent? Was it all just a dream? A means to go back to a time when Mom was still alive, and everything was full of hope and promise? Was that what she had been feeling instead of love?

Why had she had thoughts of Rick every day whether she was with Brent or alone. The status of alone became permanent after only 11 months of marriage. The remaining 25 months were spent in court trying to first get a disillusionment, then after the petition was denied, and they had to file for a divorce, the civility that both had shown at first went quickly by the wayside and it turned out to be an all-out war in court.

The song continued, and her tears really began to fall when she heard,

_They say first love never runs dry  
The waiter poured our memories in a tiny cup  
We stumbled over words we longed to hear  
We talked about the dreams we'd lost, or given up_

She had moved into the new apartment after the Townhouse they owned was sold, at a loss, and proceeds divided per the court's instructions. Kate had been involved with the legal system for years, but NEVER as a party in a suit, one especially as dirty as these divorce proceedings had become. She thought back to the night she had first heard his voice in 15 years, she never did figure out how he got her private cell, he would never say.

**FLASHBACK **

**New York 12****th**** Precinct**

**3 years Earlier**

"Damn it, Maddie, this is a murder investigation, not a class reunion." Beckett had become annoyed at her childhood friend,

"Easy Becks, Chill, God, it's no wonder you're still single, but speaking of a high school reunion, are you planning on attending ours?" Maddie bubbled, her breast enhancements clearly showing to anyone who knew them in High School.

"I hadn't thought about it, I know it's coming up in a few weeks, but I stay so busy*" Kate plead,

"You mean you keep yourself busy Becks, hey, what if I told you that a certain boy, well man now that was close to us both will be there, you know who I'm talking about." Maddie interrupted,

"Maddie, I'm seeing someone now, I mean I know who you're talking about, but as my memory serves me, he was with you after you put out, and I wouldn't in 12th grade, so isn't he more important to you than to me?" Kate still had the hurt of betrayal from so many years before in her voice

"Kate are you and Rick dating, because, I admit, I did you wrong back then but if you and Rick are close, then I'll back out," Maddie asked innocently

"WHAT? Castle? ME? Who the hell told you that? There is and never will be anything between Castle and me." Kate spat out

"Then he's a free agent, I mean I can pursue him without you going all ballistic on me?" Maddie asked innocently

"Maddie go fuck his brains out, he's just a colleague I work with, and not by my choice," Kate said disgustedly

"You mentioned you were seeing someone, don't tell me it's that boy toy detective Tom Deming, is it? Katie, he has a reputation all over the city to find them, feel them, well you know the rest, especially the forget them part once he's gotten into your pants and bragged about it." Maddie knew Kate was getting pissed at her, but she also had seen Deming pull his routine on many ladies at her restaurants

"What if it is Maddie, you want to go fuck him too?" Kate knew it was a cheap shot, but Maddie had stolen her boyfriend just when she needed one. She had dated Brent, well as much as 15 and 16-year-old kids could date with your Mom or Dad driving you and often sitting behind you at the movies.

Maddie had developed boobs, while Kate was still waiting, and it was apparent to all the hormone-filled young men which girls did and which didn't go the extra mile on dates. Things had changed now that they were 17 and allowed out on their own. Brent was like the rest of the boys, horny and searching and when Kate turned him down, he didn't have to look far to find Maddie, ready, willing and able with larger, natural boobs. It was a crushing blow to Kate; one she had carried with her the rest of her life and had taken her over ten years to forgive Maddie for stealing Brent Edwards from her.

"Becks, I'm just looking out for you, you have to believe me" Maddie pleaded just as Kate's phone rang.

"Sure, you are Maddie, sure you are," she said with a sneer as she walked away and answered her phone,

"Beckett"

That is how it all started, it had been Bret Edwards asking to meet her privately to apologize for a stupid High School act, one of betrayal that he knew had hurt her tremendously. He had hoped to see her at the prom, but she ditched it at the last minute to go to some poetry slam with a grunge rocker she was hanging with now.

"Kate, please don't hang up, this is Brent, Brent Edwards, and if you would meet me for coffee, your choice of location, I just want to apologize and ask you to come to the reunion. A lot of our classmates are looking forward to seeing you, there has never been a prom queen attendant who ditched the prom before you or since, so if you would allow me to please apologize. Please?"

"Brent, that was a long time ago, but I'll admit the betrayal by you and Maddie really hurt bad" Kate said softly, the pain rushing back to her as if it had been yesterday

"I know Kate, and I'm sorry, I know Maddie was sorry right after it happened because she kicked me out and cried. She was your friend Kate, she made a mistake, a big one, that I'm mostly to blame for, so please can we get this resolved and let us all enjoy the reunion."

Xx

She had met him for coffee, and one thing led to another, they spent the entire night dancing at the reunion, the only pang she had felt was seeing Maddie in Rick's arms holding her tight. Perhaps it was the old urge to make Rick jealous or show Maddie she knew how to hold on to her man, whatever reason or reasons, things just burst out in a flood of emotions and memories. The whirlwind romance concluded three months later with her saying I do in a small private ceremony.

She wasn't even sure how the Chef's Murder case got solved, one moment she was leading the investigation, the next she was head over heels in love, and the boys had closed the case with minimum input from her, at least that's what she thought. Roy and Evelyn Montgomery were one of the few guests at her wedding, and it was Roy who told her Rick had sent an email to him telling him his guess of who had killed the chef, turned out he was correct and the clues fell into place once they did the investigation.

Shortly after returning from her honeymoon, she learned that Rick had purchased Black Pawn, and formed GAR Productions and relocated to Los Angeles. Only a remote office of Black Pawn remained in New York, and Gina was now the Managing Editor of the entire operation and had relocated to Los Angeles with Rick and Alexis who was now attending Stanford.

GAR Productions she learned stood for Gina, Alexis, Rick Production Company and would now bankroll and make motion pictures out of Rick's works as he chose. She was getting coffee on a Saturday morning when she bumped into Martha at the coffee shop, shortly after returning and settling in her new love nest with her husband.

"Martha? How are you? I heard Rick had relocated to the West Coast, I didn't know that you stayed here."

"Hello Katherine, why on earth would a stage actress march across the country when Broadway, the biggest stage in the world is in my backyard. Of course, I stayed here. I understand congratulations are in order for you, I must say I was surprised when I heard the news, but Richard told me it was an old love you reunited with. That made sense to me, like my Chet and I" Martha said kindly,

"Yes, well things moved quickly, I'm sorry if the news was a shock, but I was with Brent for three years in middle and high school, then we broke up and when we reunited the spark was still there. How are Rick and Alexis doing?"

"Well Alexis is on the Dean's list, no surprise there, and Maddie and Rick seem to be doing just fine, although I don't ask, and they don't tell much. She's a sweet girl Katherine, but, well she's not you and I don't think we will ever be as close as we are. "Martha said with sadness in her voice

"I'm sorry Martha, did you say Maddie? Maddison Queller the owner of Q3, is with Rick in Los Angeles?" Kate asked with her mouth open,

"Why yes Dear, she sold the restaurant as soon as she knew Rick was leaving and insisted on going with him. They started dating, oh gosh it must have been when that poor chef was killed at her restaurant, such a shame that family would do that to each other," Martha looked so sad,

"Yes, it is, that was such a sad case wasn't it. Well, it was great seeing you Martha, I hope to catch your next play just let me know." Kate recovered,

"Thank You, Darling, and the best of luck to you and Bert," Martha said waving her arms,

"It's Brent, Martha, my husband's name is Brent" Kate gently corrected her,

"Of course, it is Dear, well I must run, Goodbye Darling" and the older lady turned and walked out of her sight.

Old feelings of betrayal, hurt, even anger came rushing to Kate before she remembered the words, she had said to Maddy. She had given her the green light to go after him, stating in no uncertain terms that there would never be anything more than working with him for her. Why the hell was she upset, she was married now, happily married to Brent, her one and done. Castle was a great guy and more Maddie's type anyway.

**Present Day **

She didn't know when she had compiled this playlist, but it was one sad song after another. Damn stupid sad songs, making her cry she thought. She hadn't realized it, but during her trip down memory lane her floodgates opened when she thought about Rick and Maddie at the reunion, then burst when she remembered the day, she learned from Martha that they were together in Los Angeles.

She worked her way through the stack of mail, conveniently throwing away anything with the last name Edwards, whether it was addressed to him or her. She had even formally dropped the hyphenated last name and now was just Captain Beckett once again. She saw a letter from a law firm she knew that Rick had used when he lived in New York and was shocked when she opened it to read.

_**Dear Mrs. Beckett-Edwards,**_

_**On behalf of law firm and my client, Mr. Castle personally, please accept this letter of apology for attempting to establish the Johanna Beckett Memorial Scholarship fund in memory of your late mother. Mr. Castle was only attempting to share some of the wealth he had earned from the Nikki Heat series of books and movies with you and workmates at the 12**__**th**__** precinct which made the series so successful. At no time did he intend, nor did he ever imagine such an act through his legal representatives would cause a hardship to your marriage, and deeply regrets any misunderstandings his actions may have placed upon you, your husband, or your relationship.**_

_**Enclosed is the copy of the letter from the Dean of your Mother's alma mater confirming the scholarship which had already been targeted for a worthy recipient has been withdrawn, and they also offer their apology for any problems they may have been a part of. We trust this meets your demands, and once again apologize for any wrongdoing on our part, **_

_**Respectfully,**_

_**Walter A Austin, Attorney at Law **_

_**For the estate of, Richard A Rogers, ANA Richard A Castle.**_

At first, she was confused, scholarship in memory of her Mother, apology, withdrawn, what the Hell, then the lightbulb went on, **that son of a bitch**, it was Brent. She had been deeply hurt when every one of the team members had received something when the last Heat Novel closed, and the movie earned a great return at the box office. She had just assumed that Rick had been so pissed at her, he had excluded her.

Ryan and Jenny had been struggling with Sara Grace and another on the way, and suddenly the house of their dreams was theirs, Roy's fishing boat and twin outboards, Lanie and her parents gifted airfare unlimited, and even LT got Rick's red Ferrari, she was shocked but not surprised when there was no word from him for her.

Brent must have hidden the attempt by Rick to gift her something he knew would mean the world to her. That petty jackass ex-husband, he was so full of himself and too busy getting his strange on the side to even bother to think just how hurtful this action would be to her, he knew her mother, which even made it worse.

That Bastard. She was fuming, and of course, the stereo was blaring out the song that had meant so much to her and Rick at one time, Try to Love Again after he had explained how badly Kyra Blaine had hurt him in one of the rare talks about himself. It was a question he struggled with just as much as she did, only he didn't construct walls for those who tried to love him.

Should I stay or go?  
I really want to know  
Would I lose or win  
If I try and love again?  
Oh oh oh gonna try and love again  
Oh oh oh I'm gonna try and love again  
Oh oh oh gonna try and love

Right or wrong, what's done is done  
It's only moments that you borrow  
But the thoughts will linger on  
Of the lady and her song  
When the sun comes up tomorrow

Well, it might take years  
To see through all these tears  
Don't let go  
When you find it you will know

Oh, oh-oh, gonna try and love again

Her tears fell even harder now, what did Rick think of her now? God, he must hate me, I know I would if I was him. Maddie, well she didn't want to deal with that mess just yet, there would be time enough after she got word to Rick that it wasn't her and she was sorry for what her ex-husband had done. Now the only problem, how did she reach him, he was in Los Angeles.

She knew one person who loved him and had stayed in touch, regardless of all that had happened. Lanie Parrish was her best friend, but she would always love Rick for the gift of time with her parents, providing lifetime airfare for any of them whenever they had the need or urge to visit.

She grabbed her cell phone and called her best friend and wasn't surprised when she reached her voice mail. She hadn't been a good friend after she and Brent returned from their honeymoon, she often canceled plans with her last minute, just trying to be with her husband. His job as Vice President of Operations for a beverage company took him all over the US and Canada so she tried, too hard as she looked back now, to be with him as much as she could, Lanie had warned her, but as always, she knew best.

"You've reached the voice mail of Lanie Parish, if this is an emergency please contact Dr. Sydney Perlmutter who is on call, if it is a personal call, please leave your message after the beep."

Kate had just poured her glass of wine, another thing that made her remember her writer, what the hell Kate, he never was yours, she mentally chided herself, but everywhere she looked his influence was all around her, when her phone rang.

"Captain Beckett, how can I help you," came the icy response from Lanie,

"Hey Lanes, come on, I know things haven't been the best between us, hell all of us, but can we please work on being friends again?"

"Kate what do you need?" came the same icy voice over the phone,

"Can't I just call you Lanes, I mean you're my best friend." Kate tried to soften the request,

"Yes, you could, but you don't, you never have, probably never will, so I ask again Kate, what do you want? That's the only time you call me." The voice never changed, Lanie wasn't making it easy on her.

"Lanie, I need to talk to Castle, eh Rick, and I know you have kept in touch with him, so can you give me his number please?" Kate never had Lanie refuse to help her before, so she fully thought she would get a lecture then the phone number,

"You called me for Rick's phone number after three years Kate, is that correct?" Lanie's voice was even colder than before

"Yeah, Lanes, I just found out something and I need to explain things to him, so please, please, can you just give me his number?" Kate was almost begging

"I can't Kate," Lanie said with no change in her voice

"What, why Lanie, you know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important, so do I have to beg, Please?" Kate is begging now,

"I can't Kate, he asked me not to and that was over two years ago, so I guess if your important news waited this long it can wait till I talk to him and ask him to either call you or give you his number. I won't betray his trust Kate, not for you, or anyone"

"Well, when do you plan on talking to him Lanes?" Kate was in shock and hurt her friend had information she needed and wouldn't share it

"I don't know Kate, I'll have to think about this, I got to go, laundry is buzzing, talk to you later" the line went dead, as did Kate's hope for a quick resolution to just one more fuck up the ex-spouse had caused her to have to attempt to correct.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Another Auld Lang Syne **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Based loosely on the song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, ****Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon****.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

**Previously**

"_**You called me for Rick's phone number after three years Kate, is that correct?" Lanie's voice was even colder than before**_

"_**Yeah, Lanes, I just found out something and I need to explain things to him, so please, please, can you just give me his number?" Kate was almost begging**_

"_**I can't Kate," Lanie said with no change in her voice**_

"_**What, why Lanie, you know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important, so do I have to beg, Please?" Kate is begging now, **_

"_**I can't Kate, he asked me not to and that was over two years ago, so I guess if your important news waited this long it can wait till I talk to him and ask him to either call you or give you his number. I won't betray his trust Kate, not for you, or anyone"**_

**************************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 3**

**Kate Beckett Apartment**

**New York,**

**Present Day**

Kate was numb when she heard the dead phone line, she knew Lanie was pissed at her, but not this bad. She couldn't think of one time previously had she ever refused to help her; in fact, she was one of the biggest supporters for her to get together with him. She knew that Lanie was fierce, stubborn and as loyal as the day was long, so it was quite possible she wouldn't ever get Rick's contact information from her.

She looked at the letter once again, growing angrier at that two-timing bastard Brent. She should have remembered her Mom's old saying "Never give anyone a second chance to break your heart" if she had listened things would be different now.

Even worse, she had discovered the other woman, well the latest in the string of other women was none other than her good old friend Maddie Queller. Not only had she fucked up her life, but she felt somewhat responsible for the hurt Rick must have felt when once again a woman he was with dumped him for someone else. To her, this was Maddie-Brent Round Two, and there would be **NO** coming back from this.

**FLASHBACK**

She discovered his first affair within the first three months of their marriage, for someone who had cheated on every partner he had ever had he wasn't very good at it. It didn't take a lot of legwork to figure out the secretary accompanying him on his so-called business trips was his old girlfriend, he forgot he married a cop who had disposal to many tools. She was heartbroken, to say the least, but, since she made her bed, she was determined to work through it. He denied it at first till he finally realized he was busted and agreed to seek counseling with Kate to uncover the problem.

One month later, she came home earlier than expected and heard voices, she had inadvertently discovered his FaceTime call with a new conquest, except this female, wasn't exactly new, she knew the laugh the moment she heard it. She used the record app on her phone this time, and then quietly took up a position and filmed from her camera ensuring she caught a clear picture of Maddie, it helped with a 60-inch TV projecting her image. The evidence was presented to a friend the next day, and a restraining order along with a request for the disillusionment of their marriage was served to Brent the next day.

It was almost poetic justice when Esposito and Ryan got to serve the papers to him, and when he bellowed, he wasn't going anywhere, he was placed under arrest for attempted assault on a police officer when he pulled his arm from Espo's grasp. He mistakenly used his one call to phone the one person who wanted nothing to do with him, Kate. When he was pleading to get him out of holding, she simply hung up.

It was over, and she now realized what a fool she had been. All that was left now was the court fight, and it was a fight. Kate was awarded alimony, which he thought she would reject, but she accepted it, then promptly donated it to the Widows and Orphans fund charity. When Brent's employer was advised of the judgment against his wages, he was immediately terminated, and the last Kate heard was living in the basement of his Mother's home in Iowa, still accruing interest on the past due alimony.

**PRESENT DAY**

What had started out to be such an easy fix to an awful problem had turned into her worse nightmare. Even her best friend wouldn't betray the trust of Rick, so she had to think of another way, just in case Lanie or God forbid Rick himself would tell her to go pound sand. Rick hadn't ever been a vindictive person, but who knew what this had done to him. He was hurt about Deming, and according to Lanie was absolutely destroyed to hear the news of her and Brent.

She looked at the letter, Rick had gone through his attorneys for a reason, so that would be the place she would have to start, with Mr. Walter A. Austin, Attorney at Law, the law firm Rick had used. She knew he would never have entrusted this task to someone he didn't have total confidence in, probably a long-time acquaintance or longtime friend of the family. She did a quick web search and found an attorney with an address that matched the address on the letter, so she was now taking action to correct something that she was sure was very painful to Rick, perhaps even more than Maddie walking out on him.

She thought about a glass of wine but settled for a bottle of water as she sat on her couch, writing pad in hand ready to take the first step to hopefully get Rick to call her to discuss the issues. He was always fair, perhaps sometimes a bit sensitive, but fair, and she was praying that he remained that way, if his lawyer would forward the letter to him.

_**Dear Mr. Austin,**_

_**My name is Katherine (Kate) Beckett, and until 3 weeks ago I was married, my hyphenated last name was Katherine Beckett-Edwards. There has been a change in my marital status, and I am now legally Katherine Beckett once more. The reason I am writing this letter involves one of your clients, Mr. Richard Castle, AKA Richard Rogers, who I just discovered had attempted to set up a memorial scholarship fund in honor of my deceased Mother, Johanna Beckett. **_

_**I won't bore you with details, but my ex-husband was the architect behind all the correspondence blocking this action, WITHOUT my knowledge, perhaps a big reason why he is an ex-spouse. I found your last letter dated two weeks ago, the postal service finally forwarded my mail to the correct address, and I was shocked to read your letter of apology. It is I who apologize that such a kind and generous act by Rick would be thrown back in his face. Again, I had no knowledge of what my ex-husband was doing, but I assure you, I would welcome this should it be still available.**_

_**I wanted to reach out to Mr. Castle directly, but it has been almost three years since we spoke, and those possessing his phone number are honoring his wishes for privacy, which I totally understand. I am asking if you can forward this letter to him and ask him to please, please call me, text, or write, to this address should he not want to hear my voice. I need for him to know the truth, and to receive my heartfelt apology, I am truly sorry for the callousness of my ex-spouse, and if I could change things, I would do anything to do so.**_

_**I am also attaching my card, should Mr. Castle only want to call or correspond with me at my place of work, any arrangement that would suit him I will welcome. Please advise if he will accept this letter as soon as you know, as you can imagine, my emotions are all over the place, guilt, sadness, disappointment, and anger, so the sooner I can get this resolved, the sooner I can return to start re-building my life,**_

_**Respectfully,**_

_**Katherine (Kate) Beckett.**_

She sat and transferred the letter from the yellow legal pad to her stationary and began to cry. It was the last Christmas present Rick had bought her, and now could be carrying her final hope to touch base with him. She knew he would remember, he always did, not like most men, he truly cared.

A few tissues and only one page that had to be totally redone because of tears, Kate was awaiting the messenger service who guaranteed delivery tomorrow. Less than forty-five minutes later her doorbell buzzed, and there stood the messenger holding his ID to the peephole. One signature, a tip, and polite good night, and now the matter was out of her hands, all she could do was hope.

Xx

**San Clemente, California**

**Via Escorial Drive**

**Casa Castle Estate **

**Same Time Period.**

Rick had returned home after his visit with Roy and Evelyn Montgomery feeling recharged and much better about himself. It seemed that when he could make a friend happy, much of his own grief and sadness were pushed to the side, and if there was ONE happy man in New York, Roy Montgomery would be him. He was puzzled and, well if he were being honest hurt and confused with Beckett's make that Beckett-Edwards' action of late. It was almost as if he never knew her at all.

He had picked the one gift that he thought would touch her heart, perhaps allowing a peaceful exit from each other's lives since they had parted in such an abrupt manner. She left and never even said goodbye, and the next time he heard from her was when he received the wedding invitation in the mail.

He couldn't return to the precinct, first, there was Deming who was acting like an ass, telling all sorts of tales, then everyone else had heard of her reunion with the love of her life, her one and done. He didn't feel right about the case, so he spent the next few days by himself in his office until he figured it out. He called Roy as a courtesy and then sent his presentation via email; less than two days later Roy returned his call with a huge thank you, Case Closed.

When Alexis had decided finally that Stanford was it, he didn't hesitate, he called Gina and met with the brass of Black Pawn and his lawyers. Several hours later, Black Pawn was being transferred to a new LLC, owned as a subsidiary of REC Enterprises, and Gina Cowell was named the new Managing Editor. He didn't take pride in seeing people suffer, but he did enjoy the looks on the faces of the writers who had been just hanging around, knowing that their gravy train was over.

He had gone to Q3 to end things with Maddie and received the shock of his life when she said the restaurant was just sold, and she was coming with him if he would have her. It wasn't love between them, both knew it, but with great sex, they had to admit, it wasn't bad either.

He had fallen into a comfort zone with Maddie, who seemed to never tire of the physical touch, and often was the one who instigated it. Perhaps the timing of her note was what shocked him the most, they had just enjoyed a marathon weekend of mind-blowing sex, and he thought things were going well, growing fonder of her each day. Then he returned from a meeting to find the letter, and once again the same old pain came to his heart, rejected once again, not good enough.

After reading the first few lines he hadn't bothered to read the remainder of the letter, what good would it have done? She was gone, he was alone, and once again, even as rich as he was, his heart was bruised if not broken. He had placed the letter from her with the notices from Beckett's wedding, and promotion to Captain, all hurtful reminders of lost opportunities, If Only. After his visit to New York weeks later, he was ready to face reality, including reading the letter as well as what Paula had sent to Beckett as her congratulations and best wishes packet for her wedding.

He opened the bottom right desk drawer, used a small key on his key fob ring, and opened a separate section of the drawer where he kept his most private thoughts, papers, and memories of days gone by that were reserved just for him. He had always been careful not to show any of it to Martha or Alexis, it was almost like his sanctuary where he came to forgive himself of his unworthiness.

It had to be him, why else would every relationship he ever had cumulate in tragedy, so perhaps he was meant to be alone. Sometimes loneliness is the better choice than heartache, he thought, it could always be worse the optimistic side of him thought, although he didn't know how.

He pulled the small chest out, and opened it slowly, to retrieve the letter and Paula's notes to Beckett, not relishing what was in store for him, but knowing he had to face the past if he ever had a chance for any future. Gina had drilled him on that, if she could move forward with her life, he could as well.

The first document he picked up was the letter from Maddie, dated almost three years ago to the day now. Oh, what the hell he thought, rip the band-aid off and get it over with, as he opened the pages that he had not seen since the day she left. He began to read, more for his own sake than anything else, he knew where she went and why by now, but he was curious to see how truthful she had been with him when she left.

"_**Dear Rick,**_

_**First, let me say how sorry I am for being such a coward and not telling you this face to face, I know it will hurt you, and that's one thing that I am having problems accepting. I know if I look into your eyes and see your pain, I won't be able to go through with this, so it's better for us both this way, even if it is cowardly.**_

_**First thank you for caring for me, and trying your best to show me the love I know you still have for Kate if she knew what I did she would be on the first plane running to you begging for you to take her back. Life doesn't work that way, we both know it, but we also know as you put it, 'the heart wants what the heart wants' and Rick I am still in love with someone else. **_

_**He is nothing like you, in fact, he's a player, a liar, a cheat, but God help me I can't help myself, I still love him, and I must give it one last shot. The worse part of this entire mess is I know I am hurting two of the best people to ever come into my life when you finish the letter you will understand. Please know, I really did enjoy our intimate sessions, no one has ever taken me to such heights, or cared about my physical feelings during intimate sessions before, and I will treasure the memories we made. I wish I could bottle your techniques; it would make us both millionaires, well me one, you a larger one.**_

_**I know I pushed my way into your life, and I won't say I'm sorry for that. The time we spent together will always be one of my fondest memories, you were more than I could have ever hoped for, or even dreamed about. I can't tell you how proud I was to be seen with you or to hear "that's Richard Castle's girlfriend", it made me so very proud you would accept me. I know Kate marrying Brent so quickly really hurt you, and I hoped that I could take just some of that pain and loneliness away from you.**_

_**Now for the hard part Rick, you always told me the truth, a trait I learned from you, honesty even if it hurts is better than living a lie, so here it comes. The man I am going to be with is Brent Edwards, and yes, he and Kate are still married, technically. She has caught him in extra-marital affairs already, but to her credit, she tried to work it out. **_

_**He called me after they returned from the honeymoon to thank us for the gift, well that was his pretense, and one thing led to another, and we have had communications since then, although I have NOT been physical with him, yet. I can't live a lie, living with you, loving him is not healthy for any of us. **_

_**I know Kate knows of us, and now you do as well, so I will ask your forgiveness, as I say thank you and goodbye. I never wanted to hurt you or Kate, but I know I have. I am truly sorry for this, please believe me. I hope that in time you and Kate can forgive me for following my heart, even as misguided and screwed up as it sounds today. Goodbye Rick, I wish you love, and happiness, you gave me the world and I'll never forget it or you,**_

_**Maddie,**_

Rick's hands were trembling when he finished the letter, even though it was old news and he had heard that Kate was once again a Beckett, he didn't want to know any of the details. She must have been destroyed by this, round two of the deceit of her two best friends, this time they couldn't plead it was a high school event and we were kids. They both were adults and knew the hurt they were causing but did it anyway.

He had heard of Maddie only once since she left, apparently, Brent wasn't capable of being true to anyone and they lasted less than 3 months. She appeared on a national TV Show looking for romance, although she hadn't won, had enough offers to sort through from others. Where she was or who she was with didn't concern him now, his heart relived the hurt, not for himself but for Kate who had believed in love so deeply this had to have crushed her.

Reading about her promotion, it all made sense now, when her personal life was in the crapper, she turned to her work, old habits were hard to break which made her the successor to Roy. He knew her well enough to know she was deeply hurt and embarrassed, and he struggled about what he should do if anything. Hell, it had been almost three years now, so what good would it do. Just as he finished that thought his cell phone rang,

"Castle" he barked into the phone,

"Rick, this is Walt Austin, we need to talk"

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Another Auld Lang Syne **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Based loosely on the song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, ****Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon****.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

**Previously**

_**Rick's hands were trembling when he finished the letter, even though it was old news and he had heard that Kate was once again a Beckett, he didn't want to know any of the details. She must have been destroyed by this, round two of the deceit of her two best friends, this time they couldn't plead it was a high school event and we were kids. They both were adults and knew the hurt they were causing but did it anyway.**_

_**He had heard of Maddie only once since she left, apparently, Brent wasn't capable of being true to anyone and they lasted less than 3 months. She appeared on a national TV Show looking for romance, although she hadn't won, had enough offers to sort through from others. Where she was or who she was with didn't concern him now, his heart relived the hurt, not for himself but for Kate who had believed in love so deeply this had to have crushed her.**_

_**Reading about her promotion, it all made sense now, when her personal life was in the crapper, she turned to her work, old habits were hard to break which made her the successor to Roy. He knew her well enough to know she was deeply hurt and embarrassed, and he struggled about what he should do if anything. Hell, it had been almost three years now, so what good would it do. Just as he finished that thought his cell phone rang,**_

**************************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 4**

**San Clemente, California**

**Via Escorial Drive**

**Casa Castle Estate **

**Next Day **

"**Rick, this is Walt Austin, we need to talk"**

"Hi Walt, why so serious, I mean we aren't getting sued by anyone again are we?" Rick joked, trying to lighten his attorney and friend's mood.

"No Rick, nothing like that, in fact, that would be easier to discuss than what we need to talk about. I know this area is the one you are the most sensitive about and it really pisses me off that I need to bring it up to you again, so before we get started, just know I'm sorry to do this." Walt was serious, a tone of sadness in his voice

"Damn Walt, if you were a doctor talking like that, I would be pre-paying my funeral services, what the hell is it? We've been together too long for you to worry so much, look whatever it is I promise you I can take it." Rick once again tried to lighten the mood.

"Rick, I got a letter from Katherine Beckett, sent via special messenger yesterday, and she's requesting I forward it to you,"

"Walt, don't you mean Beckett-Edwards? She's married or was the last I heard and now is the Captain of the 12th precinct." Rick's tone became serious,

"You got part of it right Rick, she was married, they filed for divorce after 11 months and it was finalized about 3 weeks ago, I guess it was a real donnybrook in court," Walt said

"Well, not my monkey, not my circus, so what did she write that was so important that you felt the need to call me?" Rick was confused, and perhaps a bit relieved to hear the rumors were true, she had dumped him, and it took two years in court to settle it.

"Remember when we set up the memorial scholarship fund in honor of her deceased mother? We got that nasty certified letter, and we canceled our plans and advised the Dean, I know you were questioning why the hell would anyone turn such a gift like that down. We got our answer, her ex-husband had blocked the efforts without ever telling her anything about it." Walt said patiently, waiting for an explosion from the other end.

"Well, that would make sense, if Beckett didn't know about it, she can't be held responsible for the actions that piece of work ex-husband of hers did," Rick said calmly, surprising Walt,

"Rick are you OK? I was expecting an explosion of expletives, why are you so calm?" Walt asked in surprise,

"Why Walt, hell it's been three years almost, I've moved on, but I'm glad to hear that Kate hadn't completely lost all her marbles. It was bad enough when she started up with that Robbery Detective, but when she married this douche in just three months, I washed my hands of her and anything to do with her life. I wanted to share with her the same as I did the other members of the 12th and you're right, I was floored when the offer was rejected so rudely."

"Well, that's one issue, she is and was always open to the idea, so I think I should send you the letter to let you read it then you can tell me how you want to proceed. Rick, she's aware you may not want to talk to her, so that's why she contacted me to act as the go-between. She said it was important that you knew the whole story."

"Scan the letter and email me Walt, and I'll look it over when I get time. I mean three years later, I'm not going to be jumping through hoops for her, hell she never even said goodbye." Ricks voice couldn't disguise the hurt he still felt,

"Sure thing, I'll get it to you this afternoon and forward the original to you, you may want to read both, and Rick, I am sorry, I know this is painful. Let me know when you make your decision, talk soon," and the call ended.

Xx

**Three Days Later**

The email that Walt promised to Rick with the scan of Kate's letter had been received in less than one hour. Even though it was just a scan he recognized the stationary she used and remembered it was the last present he had given her. It wasn't for Christmas, but she happened to mention that she liked it when they were standing in front of a store waiting for a suspect to come walking up.

He went back after he left that day and bought it for her, then researched the web for some made-up holiday, if he recalled correctly he gave it to her for National Hug Day, and joked it was safer than trying to hug her, he didn't want to get shot. She acted as if it disgusted her at the time, but he caught her stealing glances at it during the day when she didn't see him.

He was in his office when he heard the door open, and the sound of Gina's voice.

"Hey Rick, you home?" she called out, after using her key, she would always have a key to his home and a special place in his heart,

"Back here in the office Hot Stuff" as he laughed, she hated being called that. It made her feel like one of the cheap blond bimbos on The Price is Right TV Show,

"What did you call my Buster? Looks like you want to get your ass kicked again," she laughed as she walked through the door and hugged him and kissed him on the lips gently.

"I called you Hot Stuff, that's what you are if you would just admit it and accept one of those many dates you keep getting offered. I told you, I'm fine, I have my work, and all sorts of hobbies, go enjoy and live your life." He was holding her hands, and looking in her eyes,

"Rick, I know you mean well sweetie, but I'm not ready, the only man I'm comfortable around is you, and God knows, we had our ups and downs. Even when you were a jerk, I knew you loved me, and would never hurt me, I'm not there yet with the trust," She looked up at him with sadness in her eyes that he did understand all too well, he had caused many of the tears she was fighting to hold back now.

"I'm sorry Gina, I just want you to be happy, and you not hanging around me, to be sure I'm OK, I am fine, I promise you." He said sincerely

"Well is there anything you want to tell me? If you're so fine why haven't you got back in touch with Kate Beckett?" She asked as his face turned a deep shade of red,

"I was going to tell you about that Gina, it's just that*"

"Rick, Sweetie, we're not married, you don't have to explain yourself to me, but I'm here if you need to talk. I just don't want to see you hurt and wind up in the arms of another Maddie," this time a tear did trickle down her cheek "I got your mail, it's on the table, I know Walt sent you a registered letter I signed for it on my way over, that's who you used to set up the scholarship fund you had to pull back on isn't it?"

"Yeah, well do you have a few minutes, can I get you something to drink, or*"

"Sweetie, I brought us both bottles of water, so come on, let's go to the veranda and talk about this. Something is eating you up inside, and I'm here for you like you are and always have been for me." She pulled him up using both hands and hugged him when he stood. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be so pushy, but you know I never stopped loving you, even with Richie, he understood, and never felt threatened."

"You know I love you too, Richie asked me once, why things didn't work out between us, and how we could overcome all that and still love each other" Rick looked over to the mountain range, remembering the conversation almost like it was yesterday.

"He asked me the same thing, then he proposed after I answered him." Tears came to her eyes, then she got a grasp, "He never would tell me what you said, so what was it?"

"I told him that I screwed up, I kept you from the one treasure that would have completed us, Alexis and I shut you out, I only wondered how you stuck it out for as long as you did.

"He asked me if I still loved you, I told him I would always love you, in a special way, but never be threatened, you loved me because you couldn't pass up some helpless soul and I never appreciated it. I still don't know why you stuck with me, loved me as you do, and no not sexual, but that was pretty damn good too" he blushed.

She surprised him with her next words, "You know it was, wasn't it?"

The look of shock on his face was priceless, then Gina kissed him again,

"What, I get needs just like you do, and hell, if we're both needy why not. We both know the score, but I don't want to embarrass you any more than I have already."

"You didn't embarrass me Gina, shocked but never embarrassed, when you're ready, really ready let's talk. I'm not Richie, could never be, but when it's right you'll know it." He said sweetly as he pulled her into an embrace as the tears fell for the man she still loved, with her heart and soul.

"Thanks Rick, you know the old Rick would have taken advantage of that, and we would have been on the floor, couch, or maybe the bed, but I know we would be fucking each other's brains out. Soon Rick, if you're still available, it's coming soon. Now, let's get that Kate mess out of your brain." She kissed his cheek and sat across from him as she crossed her long and tanned legs Rick thought God did she always have such hot legs?

Xx

**Same Time Frame**

**NYPD 12****th**** Precinct**

**Captain Beckett's Office**

Kate had tried everything, running, yoga, extra sparring sessions, meditation, hell she even went for acupuncture, but she couldn't get Rick off her mind. Today was the third day since she had received the acknowledgment her letter had been received by Walter Austin, she had the text with his signature, so why hadn't she heard something. Of all days she had back to back meetings till after 1:00 PM, so she closed her door, and called the number on the contact she had created for Mr. Austin.

She was prepared to leave a voice mail, knowing lawyers typically don't get to the office before 9:00, and it was, hell was it only 7:30 AM, it seemed like she had been there for hours. She was shocked when she heard, a voice bark,

"Walt Austin, how can I help you" in a sleepy voice

"Eh, a, Mr. Austin, this is Captain Beckett, eh I mean Katherine Beckett, I sent you a letter via messenger three days ago that I asked if you could forward to one of your clients."

"Let me interrupt you Captain Beckett, I spoke to Rick, and sent him your letter, so he is aware of you attempting to get in touch with him, as well as the circumstances surrounding the unfortunate incident with your ex-husband and the scholarship fund Rick was attempting to establish. I don't know when or even if Rick will respond, but he does have your information. I'm very sorry that's all I can share with you now."

"I understand Mr. Austin, I mean it was a complete shock to me, and once again, I sincerely apologize to you, your firm, and especially Rick, God he must hate me and I don't blame him, but please, if you talk to him, tell him, I just need 15 minutes of his time. If he can grant me that, I will be out of his life forever, if he chooses, I promise."

"I'm so sorry Captain Beckett, I think you can understand this topic, and unfortunately the rouge actions, even without your knowledge have hurt Mr. Castle deeply, I'm not sure he is or will ever be ready to review that time period in his life. I will do what I can, but please, you must be patient.

"The worse course of action you can take now is to try and rush him. He's had almost three years to get you out of his system, I'm sure you can wait a bit longer now that it's his turn to contemplate what to do next. Thanks for your call, we'll be in touch when or if we know something, Goodbye."

Kate hung her head and thought of all the times she had made him wait, for answers, for facts, hell she made him wait for almost anything she could. Even worse she knew she led him on to a degree, and he was becoming her conquest, when the hell did she start acting like that?

It was after Sorenson left, blindsiding her. She wasn't sure if it was the embarrassment of being dumped publicly or if she ever even really cared for him, but she adopted the tradition that she would be the one in control going forward, this would never happen to Kate Beckett again.

Her thoughts turned back to the cases before she made the biggest mistake of her life, how was she so stupid to fall for the same lies again? He was the same slick, operator he was in High School, only this time he had more experience and was able to hide his real self from her. He broke through her defense when he spoke of their days of innocence, even mentioning her Mom and how she always wanted a vote on the movie they went to when they were only 15. She laughed then, but now she could see it was all part of his act, he was a Con Man, a damn good one, but still a Con Man.

The next thought that flashed in her head was Deming, and the look on Rick's face as he saw them, she would admit it now, she had set it up, kissing on the stairwell of the precinct. He was supposed to have gotten jealous and fought for her, not all chivalrous and step aside as he did.

Deming turned out to be a non-factor, except for the horrible treatment of Rick he instigated, and she supported rather than defend her partner during those three cases. Hell, she didn't even finish the last one before she was on her honeymoon, and without Rick, it probably would have never been solved. She dropped Deming without a second thought to be with Brent, and if there was Karma, perhaps she had received it when it all played out as it had.

She had hurt two men, Deming and Rick in her wake to get back to the good old days, Rick had quietly moved on, Deming had acted like an ass which eventually cost him his job when she ascended to the rank of Captain.

She had thoughts of Rick every day, even when she was married, but especially when she knew her marriage was over, and she had more alone time than she ever had in her life. She had seen the press clippings of him and Gina attending social events, they still claimed to be just friends but there was something between the two of them, anyone could see it. She chastised herself for that thought since it was none of her business if they were together again, it looked good on them both.

She felt the anger return to her as she remembered Maddie appearing in court on Brent's arm, and having the gall to apologize to her, and asking her to please tell Rick she really was sorry it turned out this way. Kate still didn't know to this day if her hand moved to her hip where her gun normally sat would have allowed her to blow her away or not, since guns were not allowed in courtrooms.

"Kate, I know you hate me, Rick does too, and you have the right, but you have to admit your marriage was already over before Brent and I connected, so please can't we still be friends?" Maddie asked immediately following one of the early court battles that seemed to go on forever,

"WHAT? You stand there with my ex-husband just as you did in the 12th grade after spreading your legs for him, knowing he was in a relationship and you ask me if we can be friends? Something is wrong with you Maddie, seriously wrong. You never even mentioned how much you hurt Rick who is the innocent one in this whole damn mess."

"I knew you still loved Rick like I said you want to make Castle babies but you're too afraid to go after what you want. I did, even if you hate me, Rick was never going to love me, even when we made love it was you in his bed, at least in his mind. I'm sorry, I really am, but just like high school, Brent needs something you can't or won't give,"

"Call me after a year Madison, tell me you're still all he needs then, now get the hell out of my sight before I retrieve my gun and deal with you and him the way I wanted to from the day I found out of your betrayal. You two deserve each other, so I hope you both get what you have coming" Lanie had pulled her away from the two and got her out of the courtroom that day.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of knocking on her office door when she looked up, she saw the smiling faces of her boys, Ryan and Esposito.

"Hey Cap, you OK, you looked like you were pretty deep in thought there?" Kevin asked, always the nurturing one, no wonder he was tagged as Castle Junior.

"Yeah Kate, you OK, I mean we're headed out to check out the body drop at 46th and Lexington, do you need anything from us before we go?" Espo asked, and even if he was rough around the edges, he cared for her as a sister.

"No, what I really need is a fast close on this, we need three cases to close by Friday to hit the new requirements from One PP. Thanks guys appreciate you asking, but I'm fine."

"OK Kate, let us know if you need us, back soon" Ryan said in his soothing tone as the two left,

God, she missed the old days, with the boys, hell who was she kidding, she missed Rick, working cases and building theory, and his coffee kisses every morning. Well get over it, you blew that one to Hell Kate, so focus on your job, that's all you have now she thought.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Another Auld Lang Syne **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Based loosely on the song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, ****Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon****.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

**Previously**

"_**What, I get needs just like you do, and hell, if we're both needy why not. We both know the score, but I don't want to embarrass you any more than I have already."**_

"_**You didn't embarrass me Gina, shocked but never embarrassed, when you're ready, really ready let's talk. I'm not Richie, could never be, but when it's right you'll know it." He said sweetly as he pulled her into an embrace as the tears fell for the man she still loved, with her heart and soul. **_

"_**Thanks, Rick, you know the old Rick would have taken advantage of that, and we would have been on the floor, couch, or maybe the bed, but I know we would be fucking each other's brains out. Soon Rick, if you're still available, it's coming soon. Now, let's get that Kate mess out of your brain." She kissed his cheek and sat across from him as she crossed her long and tanned legs Rick thought God were her legs always that hot?**_

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**A/N Got a few rude comments from guest reviewers, (who else) Hold your powder, Gina is in the fic for a reason, not to replace anyone, so please allow the story to develop.**

**Chapter 5**

**San Clemente, California**

**Via Escorial Drive**

**Casa Castle Estate **

**Same Day **

Rick looked up and found Gina had caught him checking out her legs, among her other bountiful assets, God she was always hot, at least in his mind.

"See something you like Rick?" she teased, as she hiked her dress to reveal even more of those sleek tanned legs. She knew he was a leg man from the day she met him and was certainly allowing him full disclosure today.

He blushed, something he rarely did, as Gina burst out in laughter, "Gotcha, how does it feel now buster? You see the prize and be so close but know you can't touch."

"When did you feel like that Gina, I mean you were married to Richie, and well Maddie was just one page in the chapters of my life, so when did I make you feel that way?"

"Remember, you spent the week with me right after Richie passed, I wanted to be held so badly, I missed him, I actually thought I was going to have a heart attack. You held me so gently, ever the gentleman, but Rick, we were together 4 years, those old wants and desires snuck back into my mind from time to time every time I remembered, your touch, your smell, you being there for me, but you were with Maddie then.

"I didn't dare even mention it, I know how you are a one-woman man, that's one thing that made me fall in love with you and stay in love all this time. You always put me first, always and men like you, well they don't come around often if ever." She got up and sat next to him, pausing to kiss him short but sweetly, and just whispered, "Soon, Rick, I know I'll be ready soon, so you need to decide, will you?"

It was a good move to have her relocate to sit next to him, God, his thoughts were all over the place, everywhere except Beckett or Maddie at that time.

"So, what aren't you telling me about Kate Beckett, and what's got you feeling like the weight of the world is back on you. I'll remind you; she was the one who left without saying goodbye, or even acknowledging the time you had spent together meant something to her, that is on her Sweetie, not you."

Rick looked at Gina with gratitude in his eyes, she always knew when he was down no matter how good his façade was.

"Thanks, Gina, well it turned out that the nasty letter and cease and desist didn't come from Kate at all, her new, well now ex-husband blocked those efforts since he was aware she was the muse and had some insecurities about the two of us. I'm not sure where that came from, but I received a call from Walt, a few days ago. She also tried to get my number from Lanie, but you know how tough she can be, even with Kate." He smiled,

"How do you know Sweetie, I mean about Lanie?" Gina asked,

Rick took out his phone and handed her the text from Lanie,

"_**Hey Rick, sorry to bother you, KB was pushing me hard for your number, I won't give unless you let me know it's OK, still miss you WM, let me know when you'll be back in town, you still owe me a dinner, Love ya, Lanes"**_

Below it typed within 3 minutes of the time stamp of Lanie's text was Rick's reply.

"_**Thanks for the heads up Lanie, and for keeping my privacy private. DO NOT give her the number, she can go through Walt and the law firm to reach me, she's too dangerous for a one on one if you know what I mean. I don't remember owing you a dinner, but I can be persuaded, perhaps even for a dance as long as you know Gina comes with me when I come back, love you back Dr. Death, Writer Man"**_

Gina smiled, then blushed, "Rick, you already told Lanie I would be coming back to New York with you, why? I'm sorry that came out wrong, I should have said, why would you want a tag-along when you go back, I mean there must be people you want to see without me, or having anything to do with the publishing business?" She looked down now really wondering what he was thinking

"Well, for one thing, it'll be around Christmas when we go back, that's still a ways away, and there is no way in HELL I am leaving you alone out here during the holidays, that is unless you have someone I know will take care of you. You mean too much to me, hell, I'll just go ahead and say it, you know damn well I love you, probably always will regardless of who we're with. I hope that doesn't bother you or crimp your style, I mea*"

Her lips were on his, "shut up Rick, just kiss me and Rick? Please don't close your eyes, I need to know it's me you're kissing not her, I'm sorry. His lips captured hers, and his eyes never closed, remaining locked on her beautiful eyes, but the kiss intensified like the old days. When they were out of breath, he whispered,

"Genes, are you sure, I mean no one's rushing you, I love you and I know you love me, let's just do this for the right reasons, not because of loneliness or convenience, please? I never want you to look back and regret this, or let it ruin what we have, God don't get me wrong, when you're sure, there will be no going back because you still know how to turn me on, just by sitting down."

She laughed softly as she laid her head on his shoulder, listening to his heart,

"Rick, why do you think I picked today to push forward with you physically, I mean it's not a holiday or nationally made up fuck your ex-wife day, is it? No, I chose today because, for the first time since Richie passed, you actually saw me for a woman, and I saw the desire in your eyes, God Rick, I've waited for that for almost a year now, and well if you're not ready I*"

Once again, their lips were crushed together as Rick picked her up bridal style, kicked open the door, and headed to his bedroom, still lips locked. He pulled back once to grab a much-needed breath, and whispered, "Genes, please, be sure, please I don't, I can't ruin what we have, you're really all I have and I can't lose you" tears sounded in his voice,

"Rick, I'm sure, make love to me, I'm not saying we're married or even exclusive, but when I make love, I want it to be with someone I really love, and you know I love you. Please be gentle, sweetie, it's been a long while,"

"I know doll, for me as well, God I had forgotten how beautiful you were, as he began to undress her slowly,"

"Rick, Sweetie, shut up and make love to me, I need you now" as she rippled her blouse the remaining way off, and had her bra off with one motion,

Several hours later, they were still laying in each other's arms, Rick holding her tightly, both very quiet, with their own thoughts. Rick was still so frightened that things had changed forever, but she reached up and pulled his head down, kissed him sweetly.

"You know this beats the hell out of working out, what do you say we do this a few times a week to make up for all the times I held out on you when we were married," she laughed, and Rick couldn't help but laugh with her, God she was great in bed, beautiful, and no one could doubt she loved him.

"You know that sounds wonderful to me, but Genes, if things change, I mean if you find someone, eh"

"I know what you mean Rick, but you know what, I'm not looking, not anymore. I have Richie's memory and his blessing to get back with you before he died, so what could I ask for more"

"I'm sorry what did you say about his blessing Gina?" Rick was shocked,

She took his head between her two petite hands as she said, "One day, out of the blue, I guess it was about two weeks before the accident we were sitting on the couch watching a movie, and he asked me what I wanted him to do if I ever went first. I told him, I wanted him to get out as soon as possible and find someone new to love, I knew he would never forget me" tears came to her eyes,

Rick gently pulled her closer, and wiped her tears away, then she continued, "Then he asked me what I would do should he go first, I stumbled around about not wanting anyone, he stopped me, and said Gina, go back with Rick, he loves you and he's the one man I would bless you being with. I don't want you to be lonely, and I know Rick would take care of you, in every way. He still loves you, more than you know," then he just stopped, and wouldn't tell me how he knew, but he was right.

Rick was fighting back his own tears now, they knew that love didn't mean successful marriage, but if they could love each other, perhaps the world and all the ugliness wouldn't seem as bad for either of them.

"Rick, if you're able to work things out with Kate, or if you find someone, remember I love you, I love making love to you, but we both know we need our own space and there's no way we can be anything more than this, it's more than friends with benefits. I like to think of it as, two people furnishing the physical needs of someone they love, hell of a lot deeper than just a quick fuck between shifts." She laughed, and crawled on top of him, it may have been a while for both before, but that was all that was needed to start the next round, much to the delight of both.

Xx

Hours later she slipped out of bed, showered, and dressed in a sundress. Hell, she kept some clothes at the house, it was just natural to her and Rick for her to spend time there on nights she didn't want to or couldn't be alone. Rick had made it so comfortable for her, the key, her room, her clothes and beauty supplies, and most of all his arms to hold her and listen to her. She thought had he acted this way when they were married, they probably still would be, BUT she knew that only one woman ever really stole his heart, and it was a New York Cop, not her, even as much as he did love her.

She was sitting on the large porch, overlooking the majestic mountains sipping her coffee when she felt two arms snake around from behind.

"Good Morning Rick, sleep well I know I did, and before you say anything let me get this out. I **DON'T** regret yesterday, I'm glad we finally realized that we are both adults with needs and when that need is physical touch, it's wonderful that we have someone who loves us for who we are, no judgments. I loved being in your bed, and I want more if you do, and I promise you, when you find your way back to Kate, I'll be out of your life to let you try to win your love back."

Rick turned her gently around, and looked into her eyes,

"Gina, my biggest fear was you would have regrets and I would have lost my best friend, well a pretty hot friend who I want more of as well. Are you sure, I mean I don't ever remember sex like that when we were married or was it me?"

"It wasn't you Rick, we didn't have sex, we made love, and Sweetie, it was the best feeling I have had since, well"

"Hey I know, but can we set some ground rules up please, when we are in the bedroom, neither of us mention our other partners, it's lovemaking to me as well sweetie, and believe me, when I kiss you, it's my Genes that I'm kissing, I know you well enough that you would never pretend you were with anyone but the person you share your bed, your heart with. Thanks for that," he said gently,

"Agreed, and Rick, I knew last night it was me in your arms and mind, you brought out a trick from our honeymoon days that drove me crazy, so once I could accept that, you sent me over the moon. NOW we need to talk so let me get your coffee, I'll be right back, I need to refresh mine as well." She smiled and blew him a kiss as she turned to walk away

Rick watched the sexy blonde with a killer bod walk away, wondering why the hell did he have to stay hung up on the past, she was right there in front of him, beautiful, sexual, sensuous, and she loved him dearly, why did the heart always want what the heart wanted?

"So, Kate sent a letter to Walt, asking him to forward it to you, I'm sure there was more, so share as much or little as you want Rick, I'm here for you," Gina said as she placed his coffee in front of him and kissed his temple. It was something she had done every morning when they were married, regardless of how bad the fight was the night before, she always started the next day fresh.

"Well, I told you the gist of it yesterday, so why don't you read the letter and you tell me your thoughts?" He said, hesitation in his eyes

"You sure Rick, I mean it's to you, do you want me to read that?"

"It's not a love letter, it's an explanation and apology so yes please read and let me know what you think." He said smiling at her as he took a drink of his coffee, "Ahh, thanks sweetie, it always tasted better when you made it for me"

"You just said that so I would keep doing it, but you're welcome, I'm glad you think so." She read the letter quickly, then turned to Rick,

"What do **you** want to do Rick, I mean you have options, she is aware of the carnage she left, that's apparent with her statement of,_** "any arrangement that would suit him I will welcome"**_. Do you still want to award the scholarship, I know her denying you authority to do that really was the most hurtful to you? The two don't have to be linked, if Kate approves of it, you could still do that, and keep the emotional or physical distance from her, if that's what you want. Gina's eyes told him how much love she felt for him and she would support him no matter what he chose

"Yeah, that makes sense, so that's option one, what other options do you see Gina?" Rick asked sincerely,

"Well, she's requested 15 minutes to apologize, from my perspective, you can't hold her accountable for something she had no knowledge, but that's up to you, I mean three years is a long time Rick, but you were the one that told me it's never too late to make things right" She moved to his lap and put her arms around his neck. "I know what you're thinking, so let me stop you there, "

"What, Genes, what am I thinking?" Rick replied looking like a little boy who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"You're thinking that now since we made love that you won't hurt me, but sweetie, remember what I said before we fell, well ran to the bed, I want you to seek your happiness with Kate. This won't hurt me, I promise you. All I want is for you to be happy, and well if you can keep stoking the engine like you did last night, that's an added benefit" she laughed and kissed him on the cheek

"You're something else, you always did bust me, even with my most elaborate schemes to deceive you, and yes I was, hell am, afraid that any contact with her will bring back bad memories, for me and you, I still don't know what I want to do."

"Well, why don't you think about it, just you Rick, I have a special place in your heart, but picking out your next girlfriend is not part of my job description," she laughed and her eyes were happy, for the first time in a long time she felt like a woman again.

"Does that mean I don't get a say in your choice of boyfriends either?" he asked kiddingly,

"I was serious last night Rick, I have everything I need, now, as long as we have our, well whatever you want to call it, but"

"I call it heart therapy Genes, and your therapist offers 24/7 service, just keep that in mind." He smiled,

"I like that, well I should get home, at least for a while, does my therapist have an opening for later tonight?" she asked in a sexy voice, showing enough of those legs to turn him on again, just with a flash.

"Glad you asked, I had already planned on ordering in from Karros, breaking open a bottle of good wine and asking you if you cared to join me, say around 7:00?" His eyes traveled up to see Gina smiling knowing full well she had accomplished her mission, well she could feel it as well.

She stood up, pulled him into a tight embrace and just held him for a few minutes, then leaned back and captured his lips in a soft sweet kiss, "7 it is and be sure the therapist is here, I know I will need another session."

She went to pull back, but Rick pulled her back, kissed her deeper, and longer, and said, "He's yours 24/7 like I said, see you later, and thanks for everything Genes,"

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Another Auld Lang Syne **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Based loosely on the song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, ****Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon****.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

**Previously**

**_"What do you want to do Rick, I mean you have options, she is aware of the carnage she left, that's apparent with her statement of, "any arrangement that would suit him I will welcome". Do you still want to award the scholarship, I know her denying you authority to do that really was the most hurtful to you? The two don't have to be linked if Kate approves of it, you could still do that, and keep the emotional or physical distance from her, if that's what you want. Gina's eyes told him how much love she felt for him and she would back him no matter what he chose_**

**_"Yeah, that makes sense, so that's option one, what other options do you see Gina?" Rick asked sincerely,_**

**_"Well, she's requested 15 minutes to apologize, from my perspective, you can't hold her accountable for something she had no knowledge, but that's up to you, I mean three years is a long time Rick, but you were the one that told me it's never too late to make things right," She moved to his lap and put her arms around his neck. "I know what you're thinking, so let me stop you there, "_**

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**Chapter 6**

**San Clemente, California**

**Via Escorial Drive**

**Casa Castle Estate **

**Next Morning**

Rick refilled his coffee, thinking of what Gina had said before she left. Thinking back to the previous evening, it had been a while for them both but God she was just as good or better in bed than she ever had been. The peace of mind that came with their new arrangement, was like their entire relationship, free of the baggage of titles or expectations other than the truth, and love to and for each other.

He knew she had not been with anyone since her husband was killed, and Maddie's last stand as he came to describe the weekend prior to her departure had been his last. Gina knew him, better than anyone, almost like she could read his mind, and well, if things never changed, he could be happy with things just the way they were. He knew Gina would want to know what he had done to relieve Kate's request, so he placed a call to his attorney.

"Hey, Rick, how are you doing," Walt's voice boomed out,

"Not that I don't think I'm special, but how many have this private number of yours Walt, how did you know it was me?" Rick asked in amusement,

"Only one person has this number, you Rick, so how can I help you, I trust this is in regard to the Beckett letter." Walt cut right to business, Rick was his most valuable client, but he did have calls on hold.

"Yeah, well part one anyway, I think we can address the scholarship issue, let's resurrect what we had originally offered and double the amount of award, and the number of recipients per year. The award amount should be 25,000 Dollars now and awarded to 20 students per calendar year. We'll need to get Beckett's approval BEFORE we revisit anything with the Dean. I don't want to be embarrassed like that ever again." Rick replied,

"Rick, that's very generous of you, but are you sure, I mean, this is a re-occurring scholarship for a minimum of twenty years, so $500K per year for that length of time,"

Rick laughed, and cut his attorney off, "Walt, I have a calculator, even if I can't do the math, it can and yes I'm sure, thanks for looking out for me."

"That's my job, although I must say it's been a lot easier since you gave up your days as a nude horse thief," as they both laughed,

"Well, what can I say, heartbreak from a broken relationship and a gallon of cheap wine would make anyone do stupid things, just glad it's not recorded anywhere else but the police records." Rick kidded,

"Yeah, she really did a number on you back then, have you ever heard how she's doing?" Walt asked, forgetting all the calls on hold,

"You didn't hear of that Walt? I thought for sure you would have, she got married in New York, and one of her bridesmaids was murdered by her husband's uncle who had been stealing from his trust fund. Beckett and I worked that case, even then it was uncomfortable, but she's happy, that's what counts" Rick replied with no sadness in his voice,

"I never hear of that, how did Beckett react to your ex-girlfriend, hell almost fiancé, showing up," Walt asked,

"Well, she had questions, some I answered some I left between Kyra and me. We did attend the re-scheduled wedding together, and she actually caught the bouquet, hey maybe that explains why she married Edwards so quickly, I had forgotten about that." Rick laughed,

"You and your damn universe, oh well, let me get on this, I'll contact Beckett and keep you apprised of our progress. Not pushing Rick, but what is she asks if you are going to contact her, what should I say?" Walt asked cautiously,

"Yeah, knowing Beckett she'll push, she must know when for everything, truthfully Walt, I'm not sure I really want to talk to her or not yet. I mean I'm not angry at her, nor do I hold anything her ex-spouse did against her, but I'm not sure I want to go back to that time in my life and re-visit it, still thinking about that.

"Tell her I'm thinking about what the best way would be for her and me both, and I'll let her know when I reach a decision. Tell her also to stop bugging Lanie for my phone number, I changed it already just in case and I'll reach out when the time is right. Please use this quote, she'll get the message, "that's why they call private life private, I no longer live my life on page six."

"Got it, Rick, well I have work to do, I'll be in touch, talk soon" as he hung up.

Xx

**Same Time Frame**

**NYPD 12****th**** Precinct**

**Captain Beckett's Office**

Less than an hour later, Walt, had all the paperwork prepared, and now needed some documents signed and notarized from Beckett to move forward on Rick's gift. He had promised to call her, so he pulled up her contact information, and dialed her office number.

"Captain Beckett, speaking" came the crisp business-like reply,

"Captain Beckett, this is Walt Austin, you contacted me last week about my client Richard Castle. Do you have some time you can talk now, or please let me know when would be convenient for you." He was all business which Kate knew most attorneys were, but still, it made her leery of her outcome with Rick.

"I have time, now if you can give me a moment to close my office please" she replied,

"Of course, I'll hold," Austin said

Kate drew her blinds, locked her door, and returned to her desk, privacy was one perk of her new rank,

"Thanks for waiting Mr. Austin, I'm back now" she replied,

"It was no problem, and please call me Walt, we will be working together on the project we might as well be as informal as possible" he began,

"You mean you heard back from Rick, what did he say? Did he leave you a phone number I could call him at? Did he tell you when he would talk to me?"

"Easy Kate, easy, we have a lot to talk about but unfortunately Rick is not ready to speak to you, at least yet. Let's get to what we can talk about today. First the good news, I had a discussion with him this morning and he wants to put the scholarship back in play, BUT he wants he all set up and funded, all of your paperwork completed, witnessed, and notarized before he'll speak to the Dean again.

"It was quite embarrassing to him, and he took it very personally when he had to withdraw the original offer. He realizes it wasn't your doing, BUT he won't act until your part of the process is completed." Walt said assuming control of the conversation,

Kate flushed with embarrassment, and anger at the scum bag ex-husband of hers, if she were able, she truly thought she would shoot him and Maddie both for the hurt they caused.

"Of course, I understand Walt, and again in your conversations with Rick, PLEASE express my deepest apologies to all who worked so hard, I'm embarrassed, and angered that as a cop, I was so naïve to allow something like this to happen." She replied, trying to hide the anger at her past, and hurt that Rick wasn't ready to talk.

"How much did you know about the details of the last effort Kate?" Walk asked, moving away from the Rick conversation quickly,

"Actually, not much, just the fact he wanted to honor my Mom with the scholarships, not much more after I found out the deceit the ex-spouse pulled off"

"Well, originally, Rick had gifted annual scholarships of $12,500 for 10 students for ten years, he has been quite successful of late, so he wanted to share the earnings with those of the 12th precinct. I had quite a discussion with him and his financial advisor this morning, so he has doubled that original offer.

"Once the paperwork is completed, Rick will fund scholarships for twenty students for twenty years in the amount of $25,000. I might add that this figure is **his guaranteed amount**, he is hoping the financial managers of the scholarships invest the money wisely so that the interest and earnings will continue to fund the program long after his guaranteed period." As Walt had been speaking Kate was doing all she could to hold back tears and hold on to the phone.

"Kate, are you there, are you OK?" Walt asked after a long period of silence.

"I'm here, I'm just overwhelmed at the generosity of him, both originally and even more today, my heavens that's more money than anyone has ever donated to Mom's alma matter." She tried to hold back the tears,

"Well, he's very generous to a number of causes, he especially wanted those who he worked with at the 12th to be rewarded for their kindness that allowed the books, movies, and merchandise to ever be created." Walt was trying to calm her with his voice,

"Still, I mean, God, please tell him thank you from me, my Dad and all of Mom's colleagues and friends. This will mean the world to them. He was always generous, even to those of us who didn't treat him in the manner he should have been. Please if you can pass along that apology as well. Walt, did he say anything about calling or speaking to me?" Kate had tears in her voice,

"Well, I wasn't going to bring this up unless you did, but yes Kate, he actually did." Walt paused, trying to find the right words perhaps to cushion, but Kate pushed him,

"Well, what did he say, Walt, please good or bad I need to hear it."

"Well Kate, I recorded it so I wouldn't screw it up, so hold on a moment," she heard some noise then a click and Walt returned on the line, "are you ready and are you sure you really want to hear this Kate?"

"Walt, please play the damn tape," she said a little more harshly than she had intended,

"OK, but remember you asked to hear this," she waited for a few seconds then she heard his voice for the first time in three years, it was almost like heaven until she listened to the words he said.

"_**Yeah, knowing Beckett she'll push, she must know when for everything, truthfully Walt, I'm not sure I really want to talk to her or not yet. I mean I'm not angry at her, nor do I hold anything her ex-spouse did against her, but I'm not sure I want to go back to that time in my life and re-visit it, still thinking about that. **_

"_**Tell her I'm thinking about what the best way would be for her and me both, and I'll let her know when I reach a decision. Tell her also to stop bugging Lanie for my phone number, I changed it already just in case and I'll reach out when the time is right. Please use this quote, she'll get the message, "that's why they call private life private, I no longer live my life on page six." **_

Walt paused, he could hear tears and sniffles from the other end, "Let me know when you're ready to continue Kate, and remember, that wasn't meant to hurt you, I'm sorry if it did."

"No Walt, it wasn't you, it was the words, I used them to throw at Rick, often in not such a kind fashion, and he knew I asked Lanie for his number, making him change it again. That tells me he doesn't want to talk to me, and well I deserve it, but it still hurts." Tears were heard in her voice,

"Well, Kate, this is not in my wheelhouse, Rick is my client and he asked to do something, you should be receiving a package via courier, I need you to follow the directions on each form, and please be sure, you sign each in front of a Notary where it is required." He just finished speaking when Kate heard a knock on her door, she knew none of her detectives would ever do that, so when she peered through the blinds, she saw the courier already outside her door.

"Walt, the courier is here so I'll call you back when I have the forms completed and ready to send for instructions," thanks for your patience and kindness, I'll speak to you soon.

She disconnected the call, walked to her office door to see a young man almost shaking with fear, as she said,

"Thanks for waiting, where do I sign" he smiled and then left as soon as she handed him his tip.

The packet had to be at least 3 inches thick, was it this hard to set up a scholarship? She placed the envelope in the drawer where she locked her purse, away from curious eyes. After opening the blinds and unlocking her door she could almost predict how long it would take the boys to check on her. Less than 4 minutes Espo knocked gently,

"Kate, everything OK, your eyes are red like you've been crying. Is there anything we can do for you?" He said gently, real concern in his voice

"Thanks, Espo, but no, it's something personal, I appreciate your concern. I need to talk to Lanie, and please don't ask her for details, not that she would give them up anyway, but she will get pissed at you if you do, OK?"

He shot her a half-grin, "sure thing Cap"

Xx

She made her way down to the morgue, where she saw her friend in her office dictating, she waited patiently until she removed her headset, then knocked on the door.

Lanie looked up and waved her in,

"You OK Kate, you don't look so good, have you been crying?" she asked as she rushed over and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm OK, well I could be better in some ways, and in others, I am so very blessed, so I guess it's mixed," she said trying to keep the tears in her eyes from falling

"Only one person can make you feel this much passion, spill it, what's going on with Rick? Did you talk to him?" She asked with false bravado,

"Well, not to him but his attorney, Lanie did you know about the scholarship that Rick tried to set up in honor of my mother, it's OK, I'm not mad at you, just the asshole I married. The SOB blocked Rick's efforts to do something so sweet for me, when he was giving everyone else Nikki Heat gifts, I just thought he was so hurt and pissed at me he wouldn't give me the time of day."

Lanie looked at her with eyes so sad, "Kate, do you remember when we all went out for drinks when you got back from your honeymoon, I tried to say something, but you said and I quote, ' Lanie why the hell are you bringing up Castle, I'm married to my one and done and I really don't give a damn what that 9-year-old on a sugar rush does, not my problem anymore now that he's gone'

"I'm sorry sweetie but you asked, and ask Roz if you doubt me, she was as shocked as I was." Lanie saw the head go down and knew her friend was crying, but some things need to be said.

"I remember going out, but I don't remember talking about Cas, eh Rick, I mean why would I, as a newlywed."

"I was telling you about how generous Rick had been, and you blew me off, even Roz tried to tell you, she needed a car, and she got home that day and the model and make she wanted was in her drive with a big bow, all it said was _from your secret admirer, Love You._

Kate the car cost almost 60K, and he gave it to Roz, with who he what worked maybe one, two cases max? Why? The nine-year-old on the sugar rush as you described wanted to make life better for all of those who helped him make a fortune from Nikki Heat. We couldn't get you to talk about anything or anyone but Brent, so if you recall the evening didn't last long. I'm sorry but you asked."

"You're right Lanie, talk about being a fool, and being played for one, I was the classic ass wasn't I.," she said sadly,

"No, you were a woman in love hoping that it would take the pain of losing your Mom away, you got caught up in the moment, hell any of us could have," Lanie said in such a quiet and calming voice

"Well I know I asked you for Rick's number, I just wanted to tell you I won't do that again, his lawyer knew about it and he had his number changed to keep me from contacting him, I'm sorry I lost your connection to him for you."

Lanie looked over and said in an almost inaudible tone, "Don't worry Kate, you didn't."

Kate merely nodded realizing what her friend had just told her, she still was talking to Rick,

"Well the lawyer had a packet of forms delivered, Rick is going to fund a scholarship in honor of my Mom after all, and Lanie, he doubled what he originally was going to do, 20 students for 20 years each one receiving $25K a year, my God Lanie, that is unheard of, I mean $500K a year, and get this, he's pre-paying it so the college can use the money to invest to keep the scholarship going past his guarantee of 20 years," Kate explained as Lanie almost fainted,

"Kate, that's got to give you a clue how he feels about you, I mean no man would put that much out on someone who they didn't care about." Lanie tried to encourage her,

"Well, I thought so too, but when I asked Walt, his attorney when he thought Rick would be able to speak to me, he just played a tape of Rick's conversation with him, Lanie he used one of my own fucking quotes I didn't remember. Something about private life being private and he no longer lived his life on page six,

"He did say he wasn't angry at me or hold me responsible for Brent's actions, but he was still trying to figure how the best next steps for us both, also for me to stop bugging you for his number and he would let Walt know if and when he was ready to re-visit that part of his life."

"So, what's next Kate, where do you go from here?" Lanie asked,

"Home to start filling out the forms, God I'm still in shock, the only thing that would make this better would be if," she stopped mid-sentence, looking out over the tables, "Never mind, that's never going to happen so might as well kill that pipe dream right now. Thanks, Lanie, I'll see you tomorrow, I have a ton of forms to fill out,

"Good Night, "

Lanie watched her friend make her way back to the elevator bay, thinking to herself, "Oh Kate why did it take you so long to see what everyone else saw years ago,"

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Another Auld Lang Syne **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Based loosely on the song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, ****Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon****.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

**Previously**

"_**Well I know I asked you for Rick's number, I just wanted to tell you I won't do that again, his lawyer knew about it and he had his number changed to keep me from contacting him, I'm sorry I lost your connection to him for you."**_

_**Lanie looked over and said in an almost inaudible tone, "Don't worry Kate, you didn't."**_

_**Kate merely nodded realizing what her friend had just told her, she still was talking to Rick, **_

"_**Well the lawyer had a packet of forms delivered, Rick is going to fund a scholarship in honor of my Mom after all, and Lanie, he doubled what he originally was going to do, 20 students for 20 years each one receiving $25K a year, my God Lanie, that is unheard of, I mean $500K a year, and get this, he's pre-paying it so the college can use the money to invest to keep the scholarship going past his guarantee of 20 years," Kate explained as Lanie almost fainted, **_

**************************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 7**

**San Clemente, California**

**Via Escorial Drive**

**Casa Castle Estate **

**6:45 PM**

Rick was busy, double-checking every detail for his date, eh, dinner with Gina, she would be there in a few minutes and he wanted everything to be just right. He couldn't push down the butterflies in his stomach, or the fluttery feeling he got when he remembered their intimate times just yesterday.

Even being married to this beautiful lady for over 4 years, he never felt the way he felt today before. Perhaps it was comforting knowing he didn't need to promise the next steps or be anyone or anything other than himself. Whatever it was it gave him such a relaxed yet anxious feeling, what was that feeling, he hadn't felt it for so long. Peace, he was at peace with himself, Gina, hell the world if you wanted to get down to it.

One block away Gina was almost as giddy, acting like a schoolgirl going out for her first big date. The only difference was Gina knew how this was going to end and spent almost as much time choosing her intimates as she did her clothing. God, he had really found every spot last night and brought her to heights he had never done before, even in their marriage. She had her hair and makeup done, and how was trying to decide on the last three options of what to wear.

She eventually chose the sheer nude bra and panty set, and the light blue dress that simply slipped off her shoulders, easy access, that she planned on him using again. She missed the touch, she had missed Rick, even though she loved her husband, his words rang true in her head. "The words till death due us part is that Gina when I'm gone, don't waste a minute, go, enjoy, but be sure he deserves you" some of the last words Richie had said to her.

She had loved, truly loved only three men in her life, Richie, who was taken away from her so soon. Rick, who if she remembered correctly tried like hell to keep her happy, but she pushed too soon for the one possession that he loved more than life, his daughter. Then she smiled as she remembered her first true love, Paul Maynard from high school. He was sweet, kind and gentle, that is until she developed her boobs and he became horny as a Tom Cat and pushed for sex on every date.

She didn't yield, and he left her for an underclassman who everyone knew had more miles than a used car on her love box. Her first belief in Karma, Tom developed Herpes and couldn't get a date in three counties, after the word got out. She smiled now, but it was her first rejection, her first heartbreak that had fueled her into her occupation today.

She was happy, now that the itch had been scratched so to speak, and she knew it hadn't blown her relationship with Rick all to hell. Quite the contrary, Rick had felt the desire for her she had longed for since her Richie passed, he completed her now with just a look and his kindness.

She took one last look in the mirror, freshened the perfume that she knew made him horny and out the door she went for the one block trip to his home. That man had built her the condo after she lost her husband to keep her close to him, but give her space if or when she needed, no wonder she loved him, who would ever have thought of her as he had.

Exactly at 7:00 PM, Rick's doorbell chimed, and he took the two steps from where he had been standing watching the beautiful lady walk up to his drive, to open the door.

"Gina, you are beautiful, I mean you're always beautiful but tonight, God I hope we can get through dinner," he waggled his eyebrows and there it was the smile the real one, for her. "Please come in,"

"Thanks, Rick, you look great as well, but you always did clean up well" she kidded as she kissed him hello, it wasn't a long kiss, but somehow it felt different than it had just yesterday, calming, showing more love, or hell maybe it was just in her head.

"So, how did the rest of your day go Rick, did you get anything done after I left earlier?" she asked,

"Well, actually I did, but why don't we eat then we can have a nightcap and I'll tell you all about it."

She just realized they weren't alone; Rick had the entire wait staff standing by. When he said have dinner from Karros delivered, she didn't think he meant the entire catering staff. This man what he wouldn't do she smiled.

"Rick isn't this a little much, I mean I would have been fine with just What-a-burgers out of a bag" she smiled,

"Phish, you know how much I love cheeseburgers, so maybe next time, but today is special, well at least to me, I hope you as well, I hope I didn't misread your signals."

"If you mean that I feel free, fulfilled and loved, wanted and desired by a very handsome man, you didn't misread anything Rick, does that answer your question", as she pulled him in for a longer kiss.

His answer was a smile and a return kiss, then "Let's eat and get rid of the audience, OK?"

"Thought you would never ask, she laughed"

Two hours later the wait staff had finally left and they were alone, "So what kept you so busy after I left, sweetie?"

Rick described his actions and conversation with Walt Austin, and how he had set the plans for the scholarship back in motion, bigger than he had originally planned three years ago. Gina had moved from sitting close to him on the sofa to lying with her back against his chest, her legs extended, and giving Rick a free view of down her blouse.

He hadn't really needed it, the sheer bra, and the dress did little to hide her erect nipples, and the length of the dress, her hot legs, and flashbacks to 24 hours before, had little Richard fighting from standing at attention several times during the meal.

After he described his conversation with Walt, Gina pulled his head down and kissed him sweetly,

"I'm so very proud of you, I know that's a part of your life that is most hurtful, and I'm glad that you were able to reach out and put that program in place. You'll never know who just might emerge from that program, perhaps a Supreme Court Justice, or even President, all because you gave them the opportunity to follow their heart."

During the kiss, Gina felt the little soldier saluting, and looked at Rick with her devilish eyes, "See something you want Rick? It seems like little Ricky is saluting already"

Her answer came with one motion, she was in his arms, off the couch and being carried gently to the bedroom, where her careful planning paid off, within seconds they were having a therapy session or several sessions that lasted well into the night.

Xx

**Beckett Apartment**

**Same Night (After the call from Walt A)**

Kate returned to her apartment with the prized envelope safely tucked away, she had one project tonight and that was to complete the forms required to make Rick's gift honoring her Mom a reality. She stopped at the bodega, picked up a ready to go meal, not even concerned what it was, she hardly tasted anything lately anyway and headed home. Once inside she tossed her keys on the counter, the echo of them landing always reminded her of how alone she was.

She slipped out of her Captain clothes into something comfortable, an old NYPD Sweatshirt, two sizes too big, and a pair of joggers that had seen better days. She really didn't care about appearances, no one would be coming over anyway, and if they did, it wasn't someone she was motivated to try to impress. She ate her meal, rather almost swallowed it whole, and then proceeded to the task at hand.

She began to read the forms, carefully following the instructions, leaving her signature off the forms, until she could see Roz Karpowski, who was a Notary for the station tomorrow. Walt Austin had done a remarkable job completing the forms, she verified her Mom's information, then completed the empty spaces he had clearly marked. She loved that he had attached little stickers with arrows to the lines requiring a signature that read, Sign Here Please, BUT be sure your Notary witnesses it, no wonder Rick trusted him. The man was more anal to detail than she was herself.

She was still in shock of the amount of money Rick was donating, he hadn't seen or spoken to her in almost three years, God what would she say if and when he was ever ready to call or talk. She had already apologized for the actions of Brent, she needed to explain, no there was no explanation, just apologize for her actions the last few weeks he worked with them at the precinct.

She had worked on the forms for almost two hours till she finally reached the end of the stack. She gave a quick double-check to ensure all the information was complete and accurate and all she would need Roz to do would be to witness her signature and notarize the 12 forms Walt had indicated and placed them back in the envelope to return.

She reflected on the last three years, how empty her life had been, how she had the world in her hands one moment, or so she thought, only to find out it was a lie, Brent was a lie. Making things worse, Maddie had dumped Rick to cheat with her now ex-husband.

This was so much more than the high school betrayal, they were adults, and Rick was innocent, he hadn't deserved that treatment from Maddie, hell who was she to talk. He didn't deserve the treatment she had dished out, especially the last few weeks they worked together. When she remembered the look on his face when her high school kissing routine with Deming went south, she cried.

She did what she always did in the past when she felt she needed to see him and couldn't, she went to Richard Castle dot com, logged in with her username and password and entered the chat room of current events. Everyone was posting messages about the new book, some had been privy to target the publication, and were going crazy about it.

"_**Just wait, just wait", one user typed, I don't think I have cried so much since my mother passed away, he grabbed the essence of my soul with his conversations between Doctor M and the patient. I laughed, then I cried, and then I went back and read it five more times, it's compelling."**_ She had signed her comment with her username, Castlelover4ever.

Kate thought new book, what new book? She searched her membership at Barnes and Noble and sure enough, she had received an advance notification of the new book coming out in three weeks, today was the last day to confirm advance purchase, so she clicked the add to cart box and then read the synopsis of the book she had just ordered as well as the PR Blurb from Black Pawn Publishing featured on the B&N Page.

"_**Black Pawn is pleased to announce the return of Mr. Richard Castle who recently completed the very successful Nikki Heat series. We welcome his new character, Dr. M, and the series titled Do No Harm, The Essence of a Doctors Soul, with each book dealing with a new doctor, and a new set of challenges and rewards. Please join us for his first release, where he introduces us to Doctor Alex Menendez. The release date for the public is tentatively scheduled for August 30**__**th**__**. Thanks for your loyal following, **_

_**Gina Cowell, Managing Editor.**_

The page went on to publish a short synopsis of the first book, August 30th was only 4 weeks away.

_The first book introduces Dr. Alex Menendez, a product of migrant farm working parents who worked his way through college, and Medical School with honors, and now was chief of Emergency Medicine at a large suburban hospital_. _**Do No Harm, The Essence of a Doctors Soul**_ _giving an insider perspective of how the Doctor was impacted by the carnage seen daily in the Emergency Room, the victories, and then the true agony of losing a patient, and sometimes a friend. Advance copies are available to reward members with a two-book limit per order._

She was glad she caught the notice just in time but wondered why she hadn't received her normal advance notification, then it dawned on her. That SOB, checking her spam folder she saw a list of unread email notifications from not only Barnes and Nobel but the website itself. Brent must have read her email when she left her phone open and tagged the messages as SPAM.

She relaxed after going for her evening run, each step landing on the faces of Maddie and Brent, she wasn't sure which one she despised more tonight, by the time she returned to the apartment, showered and dressed for bed, she had calmed down.

She took her iPad with her to bed, brought up the Richard Castle sight and began to read about the past and archived events, she woke several hours later with the iPad beside her, blank screen from timing out, but she was able to sleep at least four hours, more than she had in a long time.

Xx

The next morning, she felt a lot better. Reading the details of Rick and his activities during the last few years had somehow made her feel closer, well at least more in the know of what he had been up to. She had read all the Heat series, and once again was surprised at his kindness to her character, choosing for Heat to fall in love with a soldier, and leaving to be with him at his next post.

Rook went back to his old life before Heat until he met someone and started dating, proving there was love after Heat after all. She wasn't sure if it was a message to her, that he had moved on in his real-life or just a kind way to exit the series.

She went through all her morning activities and arrived at the precinct at her normal time, 6:45 AM, with one lonely coffee, the only one of the day she would consume. Since she returned to work, especially after the separation and eventual divorce she began to drink tea. Coffee was too much of a reminder of times gone by when things were simpler, and she wasn't as lonesome as she was now.

She thought of her Mom when she would let a thought of the old days sneak through her defense, "Be careful what you wish for Katie, and remember I told you so when things fall apart and you're alone. To have a friend you need to be a friend." She was right, as usual, the job, always the job, then her marriage, which was all built on lies, then back to her job. She was fortunate that Lanie was as kindhearted as she was, or she truly would be a woman without one friend.

She opened her office closet to hang her coat, and there it sat, it was his, it would always be his. A gaudy, old, ugly chair with a sign that read _**do not touch, remove or relocate by order of Captain Katherine Beckett**_ in bold writing. She moved it to her office once she was promoted after almost shooting a night cleaning person for touching it.

She knew it was there, even if she wanted to pretend she didn't, it was the last thing she had of his to hang on to, pretty pathetic she thought, she had chances, tons of chances to move to a relationship with Rick, but she screwed them all up, now she had his books, souvenirs and the gifts given to her, and this damn chair.

God, it had been almost three years, why was she thinking of Castle so much now? He and Gina regardless of what the press printed where in some type of relationship, even if it were only bed partners, a woman can tell those types of things. Why else would she have uprooted her life and moved to Los Angeles with him, just his editor my ass she thought.

Then she thought, why the hell do you care, you never did when he was here, why do you care now, why is it so important for you to talk to him now that your life turned to shit, and his exploding with success, WITHOUT Nikki Heat or the precinct. Admit it, Kate Beckett, you have feelings for him, you have had them since you met him. Why the hell did you do what you did, Brent Edwards? God you were such a fool, as her mental war raged on, she didn't notice Lanie slip into her office after knocking softly.

"Kate are you OK?" she asked, and Kate jumped in surprise.

"You scared me, Lanie, yeah, I'm fine, just lost in some thoughts." She said sadly,

"Care to share, or am I correct in just saying Rick, Girl, you have to snap out of it, he's moved on Kate, maybe to never come back or speak to you again. I don't want to burst your bubble, but sweetie, the ship you held in the palm of your hand has sailed, without you." Lanie said in such a sad tone,

"I know Lanie, I know, it's just well, you ever do something and then wonder what the hell you were thinking about, you told me, everyone told me, then Maddie drug me to the High School reunion, and hell, I fell for the biggest con in the world, what an ASS I was." Kate lamented,

"Sweetie, I hate to tell you, but you were already acting like an ass, one-word Deming, you had to know he would hurt Rick. I can't figure out one thing, you have feelings for him, and shut up, you know you do, so why do you hurt someone who is so obviously head over heels for you? God Kate, there are women throughout this and other precincts who would walk over hot coals to have a chance with him," Lanie didn't hold back

"You're right Lanie, but well I have to move on the same as he did, but I would like to apologize for the Deming era, I know he's already heard about Brent and told me he doesn't hold that against me, but Deming, that was my screw up.

"I don't know if Walt Austin would forward a letter of apology to him or not, I mean once Roz notarizes these documents, the scholarship is done on my end, just waiting for Rick to work it out with the Dean on timing." She said, sadness filling her eyes

"Kate you get two pages, I may lose the ability to talk to him so make those two pages count and I'll forward the letter to him, that's the best I can do."

"Lanie, thank you, I will, you can read it even if you want, I mean*"

"Kate, it's your letter, remember two pages max and don't make me regret this," she said as she waved her hand and walked out of her office, giving her friend the most hope she had in years.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Another Auld Lang Syne **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Based loosely on the song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, ****Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon****.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

**Previously**

"_**I'm so very proud of you, I know that's a part of your life that is most hurtful, and I'm glad that you were able to reach out and put that program in place. You'll never know who just might emerge from that program, perhaps a Supreme Court Justice, or even President, all because you gave them the opportunity to follow their heart."**_

_**During the kiss, Gina felt the little soldier saluting, and looked at Rick with her devilish eyes, "See something you want Rick? It seems like little Ricky is saluting already"**_

_**Her answer came with one motion, she was in his arms, off the couch and being carried gently to the bedroom, where her careful planning paid off, within seconds they were having a therapy session or several sessions that lasted well into the night.**_

**************************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 8**

**San Clemente, California**

**Via Escorial Drive**

**Casa Castle Estate **

**Next Morning**

After therapy, several sessions she had fallen asleep in his arms, content, happy and totally relaxed for the first time in ages. She loved him but wasn't in love with him, that didn't mean she didn't enjoy the sex, God, mind-blowing sex. She knew that it was temporary, how long was that?

No one, not even Rick knew, but she knew that he would find his way back to Kate someday, and she had accepted it. She just hoped he wouldn't settle, he deserved better than what had been offered during their working relationship together at the 12th. If she had her way, she would have beat the hell out of Kate and her detective partner Esposito. They had been cruel, no other way to put it, and now, well now she would have to go through her to get a chance to hurt him again.

She lay with her head on his chest, awake, but keeping her eyes closed, enjoying every minute of his strong arm around her, feeling so warm, and comfortable. He lay, holding her tight, staring at the ceiling, content, and for the first time in a very long time looking forward to the day.

He knew just as well as she that this new arrangement was temporary, but as to how long, he wasn't taking advantage of her, he was going to do his darndest to keep her satisfied, lord knows she did him. She had been his wife, so why would it be so unbelievable that they could enjoy a robust SEX life, after all, she knew him better than anyone.

"I hear your mind spinning Rick, tell me what you're thinking, and please not that you're leading me on again," she caressed his chest gently with her gentle fingers,

"Well good morning to you too, No, I wasn't thinking about that, actually just the opposite. I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have you in my life, how we love each other, without being in love, and how great our lovemaking is without labels or expectations." He smiled, as he continued to hold her,

"That's a beautiful way to put it Rick, and no one, not me, not you, no one knows when things will change, so can we just enjoy it for as long as we can? I don't know about you but there's no one left on my bucket list to sleep with now she giggled,

"Thank God, you finally got it, I do love you, and to say I haven't missed the physical touch would be a lie, especially with you who seem to know every touchpoint to hit." She turned her face to his and kissed him gently.

He smiled, "you know people wouldn't believe this even if we told them, so we won't, I mean unless you want to" he stammered,

"Want to what, tell the world I'm making love to my ex-husband? If they can't figure it out by all the times little Ricky salutes me during one of our appearances, I'm not going to tell them" she laughed as he turned beet red.

"What can I say, he has great taste, and you do turn me on, now that the heart is free, and no guilt, hell I love it even more" he finally got out.

"So, I noticed, gosh how many times was it last night Rick, I need to soak in a hot tub today, plus we need to finalize the release date of Dr. M's book." She casually threw out,

"What? What do you mean Gina, finalize the release, I thought you were still editing, are you sure it's good enough?" Rick was shocked,

"Baby, all those times I asked you to clarify something, I had a recorder going so I went and made the edits, and do I think it's good enough, here are some comments from your web page from the target market we sent out." She was smiling with a grin that could have broken her face.

"You have no idea how hard it is to keep a secret from you, Richard Castle, I'm glad I wasn't doing anything hurtful, you almost caught me several times."

Jumping from the bed, she opened her phone, projected it on the big screen and then showed Rick the comments from the market targeted audience.

"It looks like your fans don't care if it's cops, superheroes, or doctors, they love you." She bubbled,

Rick followed her out of bed and paused for a second as he reflected on the source of and his inspiration for the book. He then thought, Geez, Gina is reliving Richie's death all over again, what an ass I am, as he became flush and shaky,

Gina put her arm around him and led him to the couch, "Rick, calm down sweetie, it's OK, you didn't hurt me, I know who you based Doctor M on, and if anything it made me so very proud of you, him, and of course Richie. Doctor Mike, was a great friend, even better doctor, he worked so hard to save Richie, so I know sweetie, I know."

Rick began to come around slowly, "Gina, I didn't think, I mean I'm sorry, that had to bring back horrible memories for you, God, I'm such an ass."

"Doctor Michael Sayer was a hero Rick, not only for what he did for Richie but remember how he died, on his day off headed into the ER to help an overload of patients when that damn truck went left of center and hit him.

"It's not your fault about Mike, nor about Richie, at least when I read this, I'll remember the love you had for both, enough to base characters on them which only I know how deeply you care to do that.

"I'm fine, really Rick, it was a surprise but when I read the first chapter, I knew it was going to be a smash, just wait and see. I miss them both, but like Richie said, '_live while you're living, death lasts a long time'_.

"I guess I have officially grieved now, with our physical arrangement, and reading and editing a book about a doctor who attempted to save my late husband's life. It gave me the freedom Rick to remember the simple words Richie said, life is for the living, so thank you for setting me free from my grief." She reached up and kissed his cheek, patted his arm and then said,

"Now we have work to do, we need to settle on the cover art, and you need to write the dedication, then it goes to press. It's true you never do visit your own website, we announced a release date of August 30th, three weeks away.

"You said something about Christmas and New York, so I thought we could, and this is just me thinking out loud, you could do a couple of signings at the regional stores who have backed you for so long. I know Diane at B&N had called me four times, pleading for any kind of appearance by you.

"I actually asked her if she loved the books or you, and she said both, and this is a quote, 'Don't think I don't know why you are hesitant to bring your man around Gina, but he could put his shoes under, on, or in my bed any time of the day.' I told her she was lucky I needed all the retail outlets, or I would do more than yell at her, and we both laughed.

Rick blushed, then changed the subject, "I need to work on the dedication," as he got up but not before Gina caught him by the hand,

"I'm sorry did I overstep, I mean it was just a thought about Christmas and New York, I mean, *"

Suddenly she felt his lips gently on hers,

"You didn't overstep, setup the key stores if you want, but update the cover art, I hate that poster they had with me with Beckett, I mean I don't look like that anymore, do I?"

She laughed, "God No, look at you, washboard abs, 45 pounds lighter, and even your hair is longer and styled differently. I'll take care of that sweetie, already got the pictures picked out for the cardboard lifelike displays," She kissed him quickly,

"Go finish the dedication and we'll get this settled today, and thanks for not getting upset with me Rick, I know this book means a great deal to you, well us. I know why you started writing it, and then when Mike suffered his fate, I wondered would you complete it, I'm glad you did." As she walked away to make her calls, Diane was going to get her Christmas present early.

Rick was in his office, trying to come up with the dedication that would be appropriate but not depressing, he had typed and deleted several lines, and then just thought, what Richie had told Gina, and Mike him. His fingers flew across the keyboard,

"This book is dedicated to two special men who taught me that _life is precious, live it while you can, death lasts a long time. Even in death, everyone deserves dignity, it's not an option but a requirement_, Thanks for the great life lessons, Richie and Mike may you both rest in peace, see you on the other side."

He printed it off, then went to the living room to get Gina's approval, as he said, she had brought him this far and he wouldn't think of making a move without her.

"Gina, can you read this please, let me know if I need to re-work it, OK? He asked timidly,

She took the paper, read and instantly tears fell from her eyes,

"Oh God Gina, I'm sorry, I'll change it," he said sadly,

"No, you won't, not one word, it's beautiful, and just what Richie and Mike would like, thank you, Rick," she got out between her tears, then in a flash, Rick was holding her, just as he had when she needed him the most. He held her until her sobs subsided and his shirt was wet from her tears, then he lifted her face to face him,

"Hey, it's OK to still love and miss him, I understand" and when he finished speaking, she kissed him gently,

"I can't fool you either can I, I know it may be stupid to cry over someone who has been gone, well anyway,"

"Gina, you cry over Richie, ANYTIME you want, he was your soulmate, I know what that means now, OK?"

"OK, hey let's get to work on the schedule, then grab some lunch, OK?" Gina said to get off the topic that would keep her crying all day,

"Sounds like a plan, after you" as he pointed to his office.

Xx

**Kate Beckett Apartment**

**New York**

**Same Evening**

Kate had returned home after speaking with Lanie who hadn't pulled any punches letting her know what she thought of her actions, but she offered to forward an apology to Rick. Now the hard part, how do you tell someone you're sorry, and not that you have feelings for them all in two pages. At the beginning Kate remembered Rick's voice in her head as he always said, "the story starts **at the beginning**, anywhere else you lose the reader."

She sat down, curled her blanket around her, and began to just put her thoughts down as they came to her. She knew that she had to be concise, and clear or Rick would just treat it as another sob story from her. After several attempts, 3 cups of tea, and a shot of vodka, things hadn't gone well, she was finally ready to do the final edits on the letter.

**_"Dear Rick,_**

**_This is brief, I only have two pages to apologize to you for the treatment I dished out, and worse yet allowed Esposito and Deming to do so also. I'm very sorry, I've thought of those weeks back then a great deal since my divorce, and while we're on that, thank you for not holding anything my ex-husband did, you must, believe me, I had no knowledge and feel totally stupid._**

**_"I'm a cop, and he pulled that crap right under my nose, his actions hurt you, me, and several others, so once again I apologize for any hurt those actions caused you. Back to the reason for this letter, I know I hurt you before the Brent saga and the biggest mistake of my life. I know I led you on at times to slam the door in your face when you responded, I am sorry, please forgive me._**

**_"I know also that you went out of your way each day to start mine off on a happy note, your coffee each morning was our greeting, almost our silent acknowledgment of friendship, or more, and I'm so sorry I never properly thanked you for making my happiness a priority in your life._**

**_"It's hard to believe it will soon be three years since you left the station, three years since I have spoken, or heard from you, I'm sorry, please forgive me for not making any effort to talk to you before the wedding, and tell you why I did what I did._**

**_"In short, he's a con man, and I was so gullible. He pulled out the old memories and made me feel safe as I did when Mom was still alive. You were my partner, in every sense of the word, and you deserved to hear what was happening from me, I failed you, so I ask for your forgiveness._**

**_"I have continued to read all your books, including the final Heat novel, thank you for giving our characters the ending that I didn't deserve. I was pleasantly surprised, when I read how you ended us, well Rook and Heat, but everyone knew they were the fictional us, so again Thank You._**

**_"I just discovered, (that's a story for another time), I was still getting emails from your web site, and Barnes and Noble so I pre-ordered your next book, I know it will be another bestseller. IF you get to New York to promote it or do any signings, I would really like to have a cup of coffee with you to tell you how sorry I am in person, please consider it Rick, please._**

**_"Well my two-page limit is nearing, so I will just close by asking you not to shun Lanie, she's just trying to help one of her friends apologize to another she loves dearly, it's not her fault, so please don't cut her off from your communications._**

**_"I sincerely wish you continued luck and success, and once again, if you could spare just 15 minutes for me, I would appreciate it, if you ever get back to New York. Give my regards to Gina, and take care of yourself, you're special to many of us,"_**

**_Always,_**

**_Kate,_**

She had just finished proofing it and copying it to the stationary from her legal pad when her doorbell buzzed,

"Who the hell is showing up now," she thought as she grabbed her gun, and proceeded to the door,

Looking through the privacy viewer, she saw Lanie standing there with a pissed off look on her face, as she opened the door the ME barreled through it and sat two coffee's and two bear claws down.

"Lanie, what the hell are you doing here at this hour, and why the coffee and bear claw?"

"Did you eat?" She asked flatly

"I'm sorry, what?" Kate asked,

"Simple question Kate, did you or did you not eat?" Lanie was determined

"I was just about to, I had to do something" Kate finally said

"Well you can give me the letter, I'll mail it on my way home but before I go, you are going to at least have this, I swear, I love Rick more every day I deal with you. You're worse than a little kid, trying to keep up with the basics, eating, drinking water, what the hell is the matter with you? Do you want to get sick?"

"What do you mean Lanie, I take care of myself, what's Rick got to do with this?" Lanie was already giving her the eye,

"Oh, those bear claws, him making an excuse and paying for the precincts lunch just to get you to eat, you couldn't have been that blind Kate, my God everyone else did." She was letting her have it.

"Lanie" Kate exclaimed,

"Oh don't Lanie me, that man would have tried to move the earth for you if you asked him to, I just hope you made that letter count, I hope Rick forgives me, but girl, you need help." Lanie lamented

"Thanks again Lanie, I told him in my letter not to blame you, you were just trying to help me make a wrong to one of your friends right, hopefully, he'll listen." She said, as the bear claw came out of the bag and was nearly devoured in three bites, she was hungry after all.

"Give me the letter, I'll let you eat in peace and Kate?"

"Yes Lanes,"

"Don't get upset if he doesn't answer, you messed him up pretty bad before he left, think about how much it would take to get him to move all the way to the other side of the country. I'll see you tomorrow, Goodnight" as she closed the door after collecting the letter,

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**Another Auld Lang Syne **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Based loosely on the song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, ****Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon****.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

**Previously**

"_**I know also that you went out of your way each day to start mine off on a happy note, your coffee each morning was our greeting, almost our silent acknowledgment of friendship, or more, and I'm so sorry I never properly thanked you for making my happiness a priority in your life.**_

"_**It's hard to believe it will soon be three years since you left the station, three years since I have spoken, or heard from you, I'm sorry, please forgive me for not making any effort to talk to you before the wedding, and why I did what I did. **_

"_**In short, he's a con man, and I was so gullible. He pulled out the old memories and made me feel safe as I did when Mom was still alive. You were my partner, in every sense of the word, and you deserved to hear what was happening from me, I failed you, so I ask for your forgiveness.**_

**************************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 9**

**San Clemente, California**

**Via Escorial Drive**

**Casa Castle Estate **

**Three Days Later**

Rick and Gina had worked out the entire book release project, scheduled 10 signings, arranged for the cover art, and Gina had ordered the promotional materials for the signings, including the Life Size images of the "New Rick" slimmed down and longer hair, with just the hint of a 5:00 o'clock shadow.

"Hey, you promised to feed me once we finished, so where are we going?" she asked as she poked him kiddingly,

"Well, do you want formal sit-down where we have to get ready for, casual eat in, or take out, your choice my lady," He asked, always giving her the option since he could be ready in 5 minutes, but Gina wouldn't leave without her makeup perfect.

"Hey, they have that new place, Nicks of San Clemente, how does that sound", Rick asked

He was shocked when she answered "Sounds perfect, I just need to grab my purse, and I'm ready to go, how about you? Why are you looking like that? Is there something wrong with the way I look?"

"No, but you know it's upscale, a sit-down restaurant, right. You typically want to do your hair and makeup, before we leave for a place like that" Rick, said as delicately as any man who had ever been in a relationship would say.

"I know, don't I look OK Rick?" Gina asked,

"To me, you always look OK, more than OK, let's go, maybe we can beat the rush get there between lunch and dinner crowds,"

Rick drove and Gina reviewed their proposed itinerary with him as he navigated the mountain roads. They planned on staying at the Loft, meeting Alexis, and Martha there for Christmas holiday, upholding the Castle traditions, of glug, and stockings at midnight Christmas Eve, presents on Christmas morning, visiting Gina's sister and her family the day after Christmas, then 3 book signings on Saturday including Diane's Barnes and Noble, then off a few days to just do what they wanted. They would then travel to the other boroughs to do 2 signings each day, for two days, finally back at the loft for New Year's Eve, then fly back to California on New Year's Day.

They arrived at the restaurant and as hoped they were between the rush hours, so they had a great brunch, relaxing in the VIP private room and just enjoying getting out of the house and planning on the book release. Rick still couldn't believe she had hidden it from him as well as she did.

The last few days had been great; they had fallen back into a routine where they worked so well together, they could almost anticipate the other's actions. Gina made no pretense, she went home once and returned with more clothes, no questions were asked, as Rick just smiled.

Rick pulled into the garage, and as he and Gina exited the car, they noticed a special delivery envelope tucked into their security dropbox. The gated community was good for signing for special delivery and registered letters so the residents wouldn't be inconvenienced by another trip to the Post Office.

"Are you expecting anything registered Gina? Rick asked,

"Not me, all our paperwork is completed, and the cut-outs of you are being sent directly to the bookstores after they send the scan for my approval." She said as he retrieved the letter,

He knew the handwriting the moment he saw it, the return address label just confirmed that Lanie Parrish had indeed sent the letter. His only question was why? He had talked to her 3 days ago and she seemed fine, and no mention of mailing him anything.

"Who's it from sweetie, can you tell?" Gina asked,

"Yeah, Lanie Parrish which is weird." He said

"Didn't you just speak with her last week, I hope everything is Ok?" Gina's concern was sincere.

"Well, let's get into the house and we'll find out soon enough, I'm sure it's just something she wanted to surprise me with, she has the number to call if anything was wrong."

A few minutes later Rick was on the couch, Gina had just brought him a glass of wine, and sat in the chair across from him rather than next to him.

"Hey what are you doing over there? Get over here, please?" he kidded her

"Rick, you do have a life, a private life, I was just giving you privacy, so why don't you open the letter then we can talk, if you want to, OK?"

"Gina, Please, sit here" as he patted the seat beside him

She walked over and took her seat as he ripped the envelope open to find not one, but two letters, one had big letters, READ THIS FIRST marked on it in several places.

"What the hell?" he opened the letter that was clearly from Lanie, but why two envelopes. He started to read,

"_**Dear Rick,**_

_**I know I promised not to give out your contact information, I never promised not to send you something I thought you needed, well should read. PLEASE don't get angry, but Kate wrote a letter, she needed to say somethings I guess to make sure you knew she was sorry for what happened, anyway, not my story.**_

"_**I 'm sorry if I made you angry, but Writer Man, I did what you made me promise, so please don't cut me out of the communication loop. I'll call on Thursday as usual, if you'll still take my calls, Rick, you always said I'm sorry, Kate never did, give her a chance to do so for once in her life. I can tell you she really means it.**_

_**I Love You, and hope you still love me, come on now, you know you do, anyway, talk soon, DD"**_

_**Love Lanie**_

"Rick, why did she put DD at the end of her letter if I may ask?" Gina asked more to shake him out of the shock than anything else.

"It's my nickname for her, she called me Writer Man, I called her Dr. Death or DD for short because she's the doctor for the dead"

He was quiet, just staring at the other unopened envelope, his eyes full of pain.

"Rick, I'm right here sweetie, I know Lanie wouldn't have sent anything to deliberately hurt you, so why don't you give Kate the chance to say her I'm sorry, it's OK, I'm right here," Gina said, patting his hand gently,

"She hurt me Genes, more than Kyra, more than Mer, hell a hundred times more than you, I don't know if I even want to go back there, I mean"

"Rick, where would we have been if you hadn't said I'm sorry to me, where would I be after Richie, it all worked out for a reason sweetheart, please trust the universe as you would say, I'm right here, I won't let you fall, I promise you."

He picked her up and sat her in his lap, almost like he needed a defense against what he was about to read. Gina knew him, she knew his heart, and for the first time, she had true doubts if he could forgive Kate enough to allow her to work her way back into his life, and eventually his heart.

He gently slid his finger under the envelope flap and opened it gently to see two pages of the stationary she had used for her letter to Walt Austin. He took the pages out, carefully, almost like they were an explosive capable of blowing the two of them up at any minute,

Finally, he smoothed the pages out, they were in full view of Gina, who chose to bury her head into his neck rather than intrude, this was the first step, perhaps the last in Kate's attempt to woo him back into her life somehow.

He began to read, and his hands started to shake, making Gina turn her head,

"Rick, it's OK baby, just breathe, it's OK, read it slowly, I'm right here," she recognized he was on the verge of a full panic attack, one he hadn't had in over two and a half years.

His eyes scanned the letter, when he reached the part.

"_**I know also that you went out of your way each day to start mine off on a happy note, your coffee each morning was our greeting, almost our silent acknowledgment of friendship, or more, and I'm so sorry I never properly thanked you for making my happiness a priority in your life.**_

"_**It's hard to believe it will soon be three years since you left the station, three years since I have spoken, or heard from you, I'm sorry, please forgive me for not making any effort to talk to you before the wedding, and why I did what I did. **_

His body flinched, and Gina, rubbed his shoulders still facing away from the letter, this was his and Kate's business, not hers, and if it was impacting this severely, she wasn't sure she had made the right decision encouraging him to read the damn thing.

Gina continued to sit on his lap, rubbing his shoulders gently, and laying her head on the crevice of his neck, she always felt better and stronger when she felt his touch, perhaps he did too. She heard him take a deep breath and sigh, and then heard the pages drop to the floor, after he read the last line aloud.

"_**I sincerely wish you continued luck and success, and once again, if you could spare just 15 minutes for me, I would appreciate it, if you ever get back to New York. Give my regards to Gina, and take care of yourself, you're special to many of us,"**_

She sat still waiting for him to collect himself, finally, about ten minutes later she felt him gently pull her face to his and kiss her,

"Thanks for being here, it wasn't as bad as I thought, I guess I had myself more concerned than I should have been, I'm sorry to have worried you," Rick said quietly,

"Hey, nothing to be sorry for Rick, I mean I was wishing for a minute that I hadn't encouraged you to read it, but now that you have, and survived, I'm glad I did. It's your first step to either recovery or reuniting." She said quietly,

"Gina, please, promise you won't set up any meetings with her when we're in New York, I mean I'm not ready to see her, hell, I'm not sure I even want to at this point." Rick panicked, eyes open wide, and sweat beating down his brow,

"Hey, hey, I may do a lot of things, but I promise you I would never do or allow that to happen if I know about it. You see her when you want to, Rick, give it some time, let go of the hurt sweetie, and just remember we gave each other second, third and even fourth chances. She did forgive you once, I'm just saying so remember, on your time schedule, no one else's, I promise." She calmed him by holding his hand and gently massaging his fingers, as she talked to him.

"Yeah well that was different, no I guess it wasn't but well, oh hell, why does she still want to meet? It's not like we had anything going on between us anyway, she made sure of that." He asked as he raked his hands through his hair, a habit he did when he was upset.

"Rick, she knew you had feelings for her, hell we all did, and still do. WHY do you think I told you, this could always only be temporary, a loving physical relationship? She will always be the love that completes you, if you let it, both of you, your soul mate. You just have to get over the hurt and start again, if your heart tells you it's worth it. NO one can do that but you, so at least you know she's truly sorry for her actions."

"I know Gina, I know, but it's been three years, why, and why now?" He asked almost in tears,

"Rick, those are questions you need to ask her, anyone else is only giving their opinion. I thought I heard you say she was married for less than a year and spent the remainder of the time in courts. That's a question you need to ask her, but of course, that would mean you either write her or call, I mean it's up to you."

"Gina, I'm not ready to see her, you know the reaction I had just opening her letter, I'm sorry, but no, not now. I'm not ready."

"Rick, you know you should acknowledge you got her letter, I'm sure she's wondering if you even read it, knowing Kate only as I do I know that took a lot of courage for her to reach out like that."

"You're right Gina, I do owe an acknowledgment that I received her letter," he paused, opened his phone and selected a contact from his list, and typed out a quick message,

"_**Lanie got your letter and Kate's, read them both, tell Kate time's not right now to talk, we'll see how it goes, and Lanie, never do that again, or you'll never hear from me again,**_

_**RC**_

**Three Months Later**

**Castle's Loft**

**New York**

They decided after the book launch that was so successful in Los Angeles, to spend the entire month of December in New York, Gina added 10 more signings in addition to a belated launch party at the Four Seasons. It seemed that the books were flying off the shelves, and just the thought that he was coming back to New York spiked sales to record levels.

Beckett had seen the promotional material, even the cutout life-sized figure of Rick in her Barnes and Noble with the sign, _**New York's own coming soon, Richard Castle special signing TBA**_. She had to fight back tears the first time she saw it, he, rather the replica of him looked so much different than the man she last remembered seeing.

His hair was longer and styled in a California style, his skin was toned and tanned, he was wearing a tight golf shirt, not his normal sport coat, and he looked healthy. He was fit, very fit even through the shirt his abs showed great definition.

She noticed his eyes, they seemed to be far away, like they often were when he was trying to deal with something unpleasant when they worked together. Back then it was usually something he was worried about for Alexis, but she was a Junior in college now, so something else was concerning him, was it her?

She was still smarting from the text Lanie received, at least he acknowledged receiving the letter, but his message was clear, no more Kate or Lanie would be on the outside as well. She really didn't blame him, one letter, three years, after what she had done? Hell, she probably wouldn't have even read it.

Lanie had done her best to help, fixing her up with a fireman, Brad Decker, who was a great looking guy, hell he was on the calendar for July, but he was so full of himself, Kate excused herself and faked a call from the station before desert. She had enough of guys like that.

She had gone out a few times with a surgeon she had met during Bike Week run, and he had asked to partner with her during the Christmas Teddy Bear run, where the HOG group, (Harley Owner Group) distributed toys and teddy bears to the sick and needy kids.

He was nice, out of the country a lot, which suited her fine, but when it came to the next step, she just froze, she couldn't do it. God, she wasn't a nun but even a good-looking doctor couldn't get her to bed, she finally admitted the reason, Rick. She loved Rick, and told Josh, he was wasting his time, she was in love with someone else. He beat a path from her door and never looked back.

Now all she had to do was bump Gina off, get Rick alone, talk to him, or drag him to bed and fuck his brains out to show how much she cared for him, a great fantasy she thought Kate, keep dreaming. She noticed a new sign in the B&N display windows on her walk this morning, they had announced the date, it was this Friday for Rick to be there from 10:00 Am till 3:00 PM.

She was halfway to her desk later that morning before the idea hit her, she knew she shouldn't but hell what did she have to lose. It was this or nothing, now all she had to do was wait.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Another Auld Lang Syne **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Based loosely on the song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, ****Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon****.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

**Previously**

_**She had gone out a few times with a surgeon she had met during Bike Week run, and he had asked to partner with her during the Christmas Teddy Bear run, where the HOG group, (Harley Owner Group) distributed toys and teddy bears to the sick and needy kids. **_

_**He was nice, out of the country a lot, which suited her fine, but when it came to the next step, she just froze, she couldn't do it. God, she wasn't a nun but even a good-looking doctor couldn't get her to bed, she finally admitted the reason, Rick. She loved Rick, and told Josh, he was wasting his time, she was in love with someone else. He beat a path from her door and never looked back.**_

_**Now all she had to do was bump Gina off, get Rick alone, talk to him, or drag him to bed and fuck his brains out to show how much she cared for him, a great fantasy she thought Kate, keep dreaming. She noticed a new sign-in B&N on her walk this morning, they had announced the date, it was this Friday for Rick to be there from 10:00 Am till 3:00 PM.**_

**************************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 10**

**Castle Loft**

**New York**

**Friday, Day of Signing at B&N**

Rick, Gina, Alexis, and Martha had enjoyed the week they had spent together, it had been a long time since they were all in the Loft at the same time, and it was apparent to all that there were now 4 adults in the room, Alexis had truly grown from her childhood innocence and had formed strong opinions as she began her own path in life.

She refused to answer to her Dad's favorite nickname for her as a child, Pumpkin, telling him more than once that she was a woman and would appreciate being treated as such. He loved his daughter, but he saw signs of Meredith in her as never before, and he began to wonder how much influence she was having on the adult version of their child. Things became a bit heated, over something as innocent as how the bagels were prepared, with Alexis showing Diva signs that Rick would not tolerate.

One gentle correction led to a spiteful reply, as both Martha ad Gina raised their eyes, Rick boomed out,

"Alexis, may I see you in my office please," it was the only room he had forbidden his mother to touch, and surprisingly she obeyed.

They had just gotten all the way into the office, and Rick closed the door when she started,

"What, I'm entitled to my opinion Dad, and I'm not a child, I'm grown now, and you need to get over it. Let me make my own decisions, without your input. I lived as your little girl for almost 19 years, now it's my time." Alexis was breathing fire in her words, and the look in her eyes.

Rick took a minute, walked around to his desk, looked at a picture he had in his top drawer, it was Alexis when she was 4, long red hair holding on to his pinky finger as they walked through the park when he closed the desk stood up and replied.

"Alexis, you're correct, you are a woman now, I'm not disagreeing with your viewpoints, what I'm disagreeing with is your rudeness. You were never allowed to behave like that before, NOR will you be now. You owe the entire family an apology and I expect it to be sincere when we return. Do you understand?" Rick's tone was one Alexis had only heard used with others, never her.

"I don't think I was rude, and I won't apologize, I have just as many rights in this home as anyone else." She snapped back,

"Well, do you really believe you're an adult, ready for the adult world, or have you been spending so much time with Meredith that you've come to adopt her sense of entitlement? We've invited you over twenty different occasions, the answer was always the same, sorry have plans." Rick said in a controlled tone,

"Why do you bring my Mother up? Just because you hate her doesn't mean I have to, and why did you keep me from her all those years, you cheated me out of my childhood with my mother, and I will never forgive you for that," she half cried, half yelled.

"Is that what you believe Alexis, that I kept you from her because I hated her? Is that your opinion or something she put into your head?" Rick remained calm but it was growing difficult,

"You kept me under your thumb, you controlled everything from my allowance to the hours I was allowed out, everything, I had no say in any of it. Mom wanted to come but she was tired of your control as well, so that's why she always backed out at the last minute, not what you and others told me, I finally got the truth." She was yelling now, hate filling her voice,

Rick turned around went to his desk, opened it, and took out a manilla envelope, and placed it on the corner of the desk.

"Alexis, there is your inheritance, spend it wisely, because as of now, your credit cards, tuition, car payments, insurance, rent, and other expenses are yours, you want to grow up, well, here you go. Now pack your bags and go, stay with a friend, check into a hotel I don't care, since you are an adult you should know what to do.

"I won't stand here and listen to the same crap your Mother throws at me while all the time asking for money. The house she lives in was paid for by me, she still receives monthly support checks so she will be able to live between her acting jobs, and so YOU would have a place to go to visit her, so go, get out of the loft. Your keys will be deactivated in one hour. You will only be allowed back as a GUEST once you have made the appropriate apologies, now leave." Rick was now HOT; Alexis showed a slight twinge of fear for the first time in her life towards her father

She turned, marched out of his office, slamming the door on her way out, and was out of the Loft within five minutes. She never even said goodbye to Gina, or Martha, which was so out of character for her, it was hard for Rick to believe what just happened.

He sat at his desk for about twenty minutes until he heard the soft knocking, he knew was Gina's.

"Come in Gina, I'm OK," he said sadly,

"I'm sorry Rick, I never remember seeing her like that before, I don't know what got into her. She'll come around in a few hours and call you I'm sure." Gina encouraged,

"No, I don't think so Gina, she said somethings that could have only come from Meredith, and it did remind me of something. I did coddle her too much growing up. She has her own money now, so let's see how much she likes being an adult when she must budget the monthly withdrawals she's allowed to make, perhaps she will learn before it's too late.

I see now that no matter how I tried, there was one part of her that would always be wanting a Mother's touch. I screwed that chance up when you came into our lives, and now this is the result, Meredith version Two is not going to happen, at least not in front of me." He tried to smile but Gina knew better than most just how his heart was broken.

Rick called his business manager and informed him that Alexis would now be responsible for her own debts, he did soften the blow a bit, allowing her and overdraft of 15% that he would cover. Next was Eduardo, who was almost as sad as he was when he deactivated the keys.

"I'm sorry Rick, maybe she hated us being so close if so, I can talk to her" Gina was searching for any way to make this better for him,

"No Gina, it's not us, she's been on her own for three years with Dad footing all the bills, she's been lulled into a false sense of security of what life is about, it's time for a wake-up lesson for her. To make it worse, the time she's spent with Meredith has given her the wrong idea about life. Maybe it's good it happened now while she's still got a year left in school." He said, hope in his voice

"Well, maybe a bad time but we need to get to that signing soon, so I'll be ready in 30 minutes, that is if you still want to do it." Gina was offering him an out,

"Of course, we're still going to do it, I mean the fans don't care about our problems they have enough of their own, they buy my books so they can relax, and escape into an alternate world for a short period of time. I'm not going to disappoint them. He swallowed hard, always knowing his little pumpkin would grow up, **NEVER** envisioning anything like this happening.

Xx

**12****th**** Precinct**

**NYPD**

**Captain Beckett's office.**

Kate had arrived in her office at 5:00 AM, mainly because she couldn't sleep, and because she had no idea how long she would be out of the office for the book signing. She had decided to buy a book, even though she had received her advance copy, and two tickets to the New York book Launch on Saturday, she couldn't wait any longer. She hoped he wouldn't make a scene, the old Rick wouldn't but three years changes people, as she reflected upon her own life.

She had asked Lanie to go to the Book Launch after she told her of this plan, Lanie responded with,

"Girl, if you live through Friday, then I might go with you Saturday, but don't be surprised if they have security remove you from the signing. You are crazy, this could chase Rick even farther from you, are you sure you want to do this?"

"I know Lanie, but I have to see him, look into his eyes, then I'll know if there is anything left at all, he can't hide his feelings from his eyes, I'm just worried that Gina will try to stake her claim in her man." She said sadly,

"Kate, are you crazy, you haven't figured it out yet? Gina loves Rick, he loves her, they're NOT in love, that's not to say they don't make love, I mean what the hell, he's hot and she's beautiful, and her figure still looks as good as it did years ago."

"Thanks for the encouraging words Lanie, here I stand with Non-Geo Modified boobs, nowhere near the size and shape of what he signed for years, and you tell me how hot his ex-wife and bed partner is. God Lanie, I don't want to think about that, I just can't and how do you know this anyway."

"Well, even if I wasn't talking to him and Gina, just look at the evidence, you used to be a good detective Kate. The first clue, she's hot. The second clue, he's hot. The third clue she spends a lot of time in his home, even though she has her own a block away, I don't think they are comparing shades of paint to redecorate Kate. Finally, the biggest clue, even if I had not spoken to either of them, he's a man."

"So, what does that mean, he's a man Lanie?" Kate asked with a dumbfounded look on her face,

"God Kate, how long has it been since you got laid, he's a man, that's all they think about from the first time they get the tool to rise the first time till the day they die, all they think about is fucking." Where have you been, I know you're not a virgin, so don't act like it now." Lanie lectured,

"Do you think Rick and Gina are, well, eh, having sex?" she asked quietly,

Lanie looked her directly in the eye, and said, "Do I think they are? No, she heard Kate let out a breath, then she floored her, I know they are" as Kate's eyes suddenly mist up.

"He told you that, Lannie?" she asked,

"No, Gina did when she asked what you were doing to get your head out of your ass to make things right with him. She told me she loved him and had no doubt the love was reciprocated, but the one thing that she loved about them was the physical touch"

"STOP, Lanie, I heard enough, God how can I get that mental picture out of my head. WAIT, what did you say about Gina asking you what I was doing?"

"Kate, Gina has had her one and done with her husband, Rick was a big part of helping her grieve, it was over 18 months after he passed before they even kissed even though they had been married for years, so don't be thinking she went from one bed to the other, I will tell you things progressed quickly from there.

"She told me, they talked about you, forgiveness, how deeply you hurt him, and would he ever get over it. You got all spastic just thinking about Rick and Gina in bed, imagine how he felt first with Deming, then with Brent, wonder boy.

"You had no claim on him whatsoever, yet, you can fuck a Detective, share the details in front of him, and then drop that one for your one and done. It was really embarrassing for me Kate; I was embarrassed for you."

Kate got quiet, her head low and tears she had been holding back started to fall, Lanie was right, she had flaunted Deming then Brent in front of him, something he never did, even when page six had him sleeping with this beauty or that one, he kept it out of the precinct.

"So, what are you going to do to get your Writer Man back? Believe me, Gina knows how much he loves you, and she's been trying to set the framework for you two to get back together, but Rick is deeply hurt, maybe not hurt as much as disappointed in you.

"Gina said once, he told her that if it had come from anyone else he could have understood, but after all he had shared with you, the close calls, that you could just cut him and his memories out of your life without a word, he could, or would never have done that to you. It was almost like he hadn't mattered at all; wipe your feet and he was gone." Lanie had a tear in her eye,

"I know Lanie, believe me I know, I live with it, every day, every night. I don't know what I'm going to do once I see him, I guess I'm hoping he'll find some time to let me apologize in person, I am praying he does. Speaking of, I got to get out of here just in case he shuts down early, I don't want to miss him.

Xx

**Barnes and Noble**

**36****th**** Lexington**

**New York, 1:15 PM**

Kate had gotten in line later than she wanted, and it was a whopper of a line. She was hoping that she would make the cutoff, as the bookstore coordinator came down the line, and pointed to a lady three persons behind her, **_"this is the last autograph for today, we're very sorry, no more we hope to accommodate you at another location, thanks for your patience"._**

The comments coming from those turned away where anything but kind or patient, but she would have felt the same way, she was just lucky to get there when she did. She anticipated another hour at least before she reached the table where he and Gina sat, Rick signing books, and Gina taking care of his every need, coffee, water, or even snacks.

God, Lanie was right, she was beautiful, not a hair out of place, and a body that most women would kill for, hell no wonder Rick was sleeping with her. Clear your head, Kate, none of your business, she chided herself. She tried to keep a low profile from Gina, she wanted to surprise Rick, and if he only had three more signatures after hers, perhaps he would consent to talk with her someplace, but what about Gina? God Damn it why did she have to be there, oh well, here goes nothing she thought. She saw the line diminish till it was almost her turn, five more, now four, oh Christ was this a good idea, no turning back now, three more, now two, now, just the lady in front of her. It was a good thing Rick was keeping his head down till he asked a question then raising to smile, the fake smile, he still had that. The lady giggled and she heard Gina say "Next" as she stepped forward.

"Hi, thanks for coming out, I appreciate it, who should I make this out to?" he asked like he had all morning and afternoon,

"Kate, you can make it out to Kate," she said in her bravest voice,

He looked up, acknowledged that it was her, then signed something in her book, and as he was writing, she seized the moment,

"Rick, can we talk, I promise it won't take long,"

Her answer came as he called, "Next" dismissing her to step aside,

She did, and as she made her way towards the door, she was intercepted by a blonde bombshell,

"So, you're giving up? That's it? If that's all you have then you don't deserve him, Kate, if you want him, fight for him, wait for us outside the side door then don't take no for an answer if you really love him, if not stay away from him. You've hurt him enough"

She stepped outside and made her way to the side door, waiting for them to make their exit she glanced at what he had written,

"Thanks for coming out, All the best, Richard Castle, in his neat scroll,

It was like he was signing it for a stranger, hell maybe he was.

She saw the door open and Gina walk out, then Rick, so she made her move,

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**Another Auld Lang Syne **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Based loosely on the song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, ****Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon****.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

**Previously**

"_**Kate, you can make it out to Kate," she said in her bravest voice,**_

_**He looked up, acknowledged that it was her, then signed something in her book, and as he was writing, she seized the moment,**_

"_**Rick, can we talk, I promise it won't take long,"**_

_**Her answer came as he called, "Next" dismissing her to step aside,**_

_**She did, and as she made her way towards the door, she was intercepted by a blonde bombshell,**_

"_**So, you're giving up? That's it? If that's all you have then you don't deserve him, Kate, if you want him fight for him, wait for us outside the side door then don't take no for an answer if you really love him, if not stay away from him. You've hurt him enough" **_

**************************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 11**

**Castle Loft**

**New York**

**Friday, After Signing at B&N**

The heavy side door opened, and there stood Gina, followed by Rick on their way out of the signing. Gina caught sight of her but didn't react, then Rick stopped mid-sentence in his conversation with her, as he looked at Kate, was it really her. His eyes penetrated hers and she could tell he was hurting, deeply so she made her move,

"Rick, can we go somewhere for a cup of coffee, please, I won't keep you long, I promise, I know you're busy and with Gina." She asked in a soft voice almost tears in her eyes,

Rick turned to look at Gina, who just nodded, and then a look of panic came over him.

"If it would make you feel better, Gina is welcome too, it's just a cup of coffee, I know I owe you an explanation, and an apology in person, Please? Kate asked again,

"Rick, I'll go back to the Loft, but if you need me all you need to do is call, it's only 6 blocks and I'll be right there, OK, Sweetie?" Gina patted his arm, and rubbed his hand gently, reassuring him.

Rick took a deep breath then said, "OK Kate, you got 15 minutes, there's a Java Hut across the street, your time starts when we get our coffee. Thanks, Gina, I won't be long, see you back at home." He kissed her, gently. Something he would never had done before, but she deserved it, perhaps it was a Deming payback she thought, but this wasn't staged.

He used to always place his hand in the small of her back to guide her, it started from the very first day she met him, and as much as she pretended to hate it, she missed the touch, his reassuring hand touching, guiding her to a safe place. Through doors, into rooms, or just gently taking her hand to assist her off the street curb, all the little signs of a gentleman that he was. Today his hands remained firmly in his pockets, as he started to cross the street, not even glancing to see if she were crossing as well or not.

He reached the Java Hut, opened, and still held the door for her, at least he was still acting with manners. She could tell from the quick glance in his eyes, they hid more than anger, something else was there. She didn't recognize it, could it be hurt? Disgust for her? Well, she would find out soon, as she ordered and attempted to pay for her and his order, of course, it was already paid for, somethings never change.

She picked up her latte and stood to wait for him to get his coffee, and pick out a table he would be comfortable sitting and talking with her for a few minutes.

"Pick a table, Beckett, we're not going to be here long," he said, not unkindly, but again a reminder the clock for her was ticking,

She chose a booth, close to the rear, affording them as much privacy as you could get in a coffee shop.

"Is this OK Rick?" she asked, timidly,

"It's fine like I said we won't be here long" once again setting the tone of the meeting, he was there, but couldn't wait to be anywhere else.

"OK, then let me get right down to it, I was an ASS, I acted worse than that, and I owe you an apology and here's a letter from Espo apologizing for his actions. I can't give you one from Deming, he's no longer with NYPD, so I'm sorry and I'll repeat it sorry I allowed both of them to treat you in such a manner."

"Beckett, you already apologized for this, sorry about Deming I know you were close, well before your husband, he came out of the blue and believe me caught more than me by surprise to hear you were getting married. Your one and done, sorry it didn't work out." He said with little emotion,

"Well about that Rick, I have a confession to make, I was using Deming to try to get you to pay attention to me, Brent came as a total surprise to me, and I guess I fell for the old con lines. He brought back memories when times were good, Mom was still alive, and I guess I was trying so hard to be happy again, I acted like an idiot."

"You think?" he replied, the first sign that the old Rick was there, "I'm sorry I'm not following your line using Deming to make me more attentive, you kept threatening to shoot me, ridiculing me, making fun of the little gifts I would bring you, just because, (his voice cracked) eh, just because I thought you would like them, or it would give you a minute of happiness.

"I never would have guessed you would have treated me the way you did, and it was bad Beckett, really bad. Lanie was the one that reached out to me, she actually apologized for you, saying you were trying to capture the magic of times before your Mother was killed. She told me you were her best friend but she didn't trust Brent, and had told you so, which caused a rift between the two of you."

"Yeah, she did. Even Maddie told me, although she may have had another motive. Rick, I'm so sorry she treated you the way she did, I know that you were hurt, I got back from vacation and you and Gina had moved to Los Angeles, formed a production company, and had purchased Black Pawn, quite a lot of reshaping your life in such a short time, Rick, was it all because of me?"

"Don't flatter yourself, Detective, eh excuse me, Captain, to use one of your old lines, not everything is about you. You have no idea how long those plans were in place, the timing was right, so was the price so we pulled the trigger. It just happened to coincide with your Honeymoon, not vacation Beckett"

Kate bowed her head; she knew she was losing him when he went back to using her title and last name.

"Rick, I am so sorry for everything you went through because of my actions, whether directly or indirectly. I never dreamed that Maddie would first come on to you so strongly, I know she was attracted to you, but worse, leave you to have an affair with my husband, even though we were separated, it was the ultimate betrayal by them both." Kate said with tears in her voice,

"Yeah, it does really hurt when the one you trust, the one you hold up in such high esteem not only disappoints you but does things to deliberately hurt you like only they can, no one deserves that. It does a lot to make you hold back your trust for others, no matter how sincere they may be, I guess it's just a self-preservation tactic we revert to when we hurt that badly." He said softly, then Kate picked up the sadness in his eyes, oh my God that's what she had done to him,

"Oh Rick," she started to say,

"Well, see you around Beckett, Good Luck" as he rose and was out of the door before Kate realized what had happened.

She sat there collecting her thoughts, glancing at the book, and the casual signature, he had put her far away from his heart because she had broken it, and worse in a very public setting. Not only was he hurt, but embarrassed as well, even Lanie had admitted she had been embarrassed by her actions, God what a mess she thought as she collected her cup and headed to the door.

The December snow was falling lightly, just covering the evergreen trees in the park, as she walked the long way home, trying to think of the next steps. Gina had challenged her, that was surely a surprise, but her approach with Rick did more harm than good it seemed. She had to do something, but what,

Xx

**Saturday **

**Four Seasons Hotel**

**Castle Launch Party**

Kate had wracked her brain, trying to figure out how to reach Rick. She had apologized, and it seemed it just brought her own actions into more clarity, the hurt she caused was evident by his line, _**"Yeah, it does really hurt when the one you trust, the one you hold up in such high esteem not only disappoints you but does things to deliberately hurt you like only they can, no one deserves that. **_

She cried, every time her memory replayed that line, his voice so sad, tears almost dripping off each word, perhaps because it was true. She hadn't intended to hurt Rick, or had she? Could it be she was still angry with him for something, perhaps his love that had been so apparent for Kyra Blaine?

Even though she was in town for her wedding, she found solace in Rick's arms, and she wasn't a bimbo from page six. She was real, very real, proving that Rick was capable of, and had serious relationships in the past, with little effort, could have rekindled the love he had for Kyra. Was she angry about that? Was that why she flaunted Deming in his face, to prove that she could have someone as well?

Why? Why did she feel the need to compete with him for partners? Rick hadn't mentioned the details, it had been Kyra who leveled with her. Rick was far too much of a gentleman to kiss and tell, in fact, he never confirmed or denied reports published about him and starlets at social functions, always remaining a gentleman regardless of who the tabloids had him coupled with.

The answer came to her as she was going through her Journal/Scrapbook she started keeping to record her thoughts and pictures of her favorite author. She was jealous, she cared about him more than she would ever admit.

She saw pictures of the book launch party for the first Heat Book, memories of how he had Alexis take her shopping for just the right dress, shoes, and attire, not wanting her to be embarrassed by the savages who were jealous of her on his arm. He quietly had taken care of her, protected her, and instead of thanking him and giving in to the feelings she had, she threw another man in his face, in the worst way possible.

Her thoughts were interrupted with the buzzing of her door, Lanie was actually early tonight. She opened the door and her friend looked anything but like a ME.

"Lanie you are beautiful, I love the dress" Kate exclaimed as she pulled her friend in for a quick hug.

"Thanks, Kate, it's not too much, is it? I mean the girls want out, and I have to be sure to keep them covered, but I think it fits nice, do you think I'll get much attention?" she asked

"Lanie, anyone who can spell boob will be all over you trying to get a dance, I expect Rick to even hit on you, maybe sign your chest" Kate laughed but Lanie didn't

"Kate, Rick hasn't signed chests since he met you, do you know nothing about the man who knows every detail about you? Lanie didn't try to hide her disappointment in her friend,

"OK Lanie, OK, I don't need a downer now, I'm not sure how he or Gina are going to react, so I wouldn't be surprised to come back tonight with no change in my situation, I am only hoping, well praying is more like it."

"Well, how did you leave things over coffee, Kate? You never told me what happened there other than he gave you 15 minutes, and then he left, so what happened?"

Kate gave her the recap of the visit and watched Lanie's face as she quoted Rick's line about being hurt by the one you trusted above all others, tears came to her face before she got out,

"You know that's you don't you Kate, that boy is hurt something awful, and believe me, I don't know how he was able to face you and be civil, if you had done that to me, well they would never have found the body, that's all I'm saying about that." Lanie was her friend, but she was also Ricks, and she was right, defend the one who was in the right.

"I know Lanie, believe me, I know, now I have to figure out how he will allow me another chance, that's all I'm asking for is a chance, to earn my way back to his life as a friend at least. I don't think I can take it if I know he still harbors ill will towards me." Kate's tears almost fall,

"Kate, there's a big difference between harboring ill will, and trying to shield yourself from any future hurt, I mean look at it from his perspective. How would you have reacted, say if Gina had been Brent, and he suddenly found everything you did as secondary to her, how would you feel, seriously Kate, show some empathy when you talk to him.

"He has to start to trust you, that you won't hurt him again, that's first and most important. You already apologized, don't keep beating that dead horse, move on to the next requirement, prove to him, he's important to you, in your life, and don't just tell him, Kate, you'll need to prove it."

"You're right Lanie, let's go, I hope I think of something before we get there, I mean how can I prove something to him when he's there and I'm here?" Kate asked,

"Why are you here if the love of your life is there, and he is only there because of you to start with? Seems like a pretty simple answer to a question that you want to make a hell of a lot more difficult than you need to" she replied,

Xx

They arrived at the Four Seasons to enter the ballroom hosting the Launch party. Gina had seen them coming and went to greet them,

"Kate, Lanie, glad you could make it, it's been a pretty rough day for Rick, I'm sure you both being here will help him," Gina said sadly,

"Gina, did I upset him that much, I mean we barely got into the conversation and he looked at his watch, told me my 15 minutes were up and left, I hope I didn't hurt him with anything I said. I realize now just what happened, and it's all on me, my fault, I told him I was sorry. I just want to know how I can prove it to him." Kate said still fighting tears,

"Kate, don't repeat this, God he would kill me if he knew, but Alexis and he had a horrible fight right before we came to the signing, he basically set her free to be an adult, it's a long story, not mine to tell, but he is hurting badly because of Alexis, and well seeing you reminded him how things used to be, a lot better and simpler," Gina said softly,

"Oh my God, Alexis was his life, no wonder he looked so distant, my God, I'm sorry Gina, I mean what can I do? It may sound strange but yes I'm asking his ex-wife and lover how I can compete with her for his love." Kate was open and candid,

"First Kate, there is no competition, you're right, I am his ex-wife, for good reasons, BUT we never stopped loving each other, and let's say we are filling a need for the physical needs. Other than that, if you two get together, I'll be in his heart, but believe me, he's always been a one-woman man, especially in bed." Gina said quietly,

Kate had a funny look on her face as a security guard walked past the ladies talking, Gina picked up on it,

"Yes Kate, that's your other ex Tom Deming, he got fired form Lawrenceville PD for sexual harassment and security guard is the only job he could get, so be careful. If he causes you any problem please come get me at once."

They made their way into the Grand Ballroom, where displays of Rick's new book were on display, the wait staff very attentive with the champagne, and an open bar. At this time of night, they both headed to the bar, Kate for a double vodka, straight, and Lanie for a glass of brandy.

Everything was going great until Kate caught sight of Rick, he was talking to the Governor and laughing until he caught her glance. He suddenly excused himself and was lost in the crowd. This wasn't going to be easy, but damn it, she was going to prove to him she loved him, no matter what she had to do.

Proof would have to wait as Gina took the podium, said some kind words about the new direction of Black Pawn, and authors such as Rick now encouraged to reach out for their passion. Then she introduced Rick, who strode to the podium, showing the confidence he always did, he could always hide his inner self from his fans, all but Kate. She saw him, and she knew his heart was broken, again, maybe this time she could help, not hurt, she just had to get close to him.

Rick thanked Gina, the organizers, he never forgot the little people, then he got serious and thanked the heavens as pictures of Richie Rosati, and Mike Sayer, MD flashed on the ceilings and walls. Rick described the two men as the real heroes and motivation for the work, he closed by asking everyone to support their local hospitals and encouraged everyone to share the road, too many good people were being killed only because they rode a motorcycle, as he left the podium he received a standing ovation,

He walked to the bar, not noticing Kate, who surprised him and took his arm, and said, get your drink then we are going to talk Richard Castle, I have things I have to say before you kick me out of here,

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

**Another Auld Lang Syne **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Based loosely on the song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, ****Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon****.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

**Previously**

"_**Kate, there's a big difference between harboring ill will, and trying to shield yourself from any future hurt, I mean look at it from his perspective. How would you have reacted, say if Gina had been Brent, and he suddenly found everything you did as secondary to her, how would you feel, seriously Kate, show some empathy when you talk to him. **_

"_**He has to start to trust you, that you won't hurt him again, that's first and most important. You already apologized, don't keep beating that dead horse, move on to the next requirement, prove to him, he's important to you, in your life, and don't just tell him, Kate, you'll need to prove it."**_

"_**You're right Lanie, let's go, I hope I think of something before we get there, I mean how can I prove something to him when he's there and I'm here?" Kate asked,**_

"_**Why are you here if the love of your life is there, and is only there because of you to start with? A pretty simple answer to a question that you want to make a hell of a lot more difficult than you need to" she replied, **_

**************************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 12**

**Saturday **

**Four Seasons Hotel**

**Castle Launch Party**

_**He walked to the bar, not noticing Kate, who surprised him and took his arm, and said, get your drink then we are going to talk Richard Castle, I have things I have to say before you kick me out of here, **_

Kate took his arm in hers, so as not to make a scene, and started walking with him towards an open room. He mumbled under his breath,

"What the **HELL** Kate, where do you think we're going, I have guests, and we have talked." He wasn't happy,

"Gina knows where we're going, she's got the party covered for a while, we need to talk, rather I need to talk and you need to listen to me, not just hear me but listen. I'm going to be sure that happens till you summon Deming and his goons to throw me out of here, but you're going to at least hear what I have to say." She said, flashing a fake smile at a guest they just passed on their way to the room,

"Deming, what the hell does he have to do with anything? As I recall it, he was your flavor of the month before your one and done, handed you the story of your lifetime, so why bring him up." Rick asked confused,

"Check out the security guard giving you the death glare at 11:00 on your radar" She replied,

"Son of a Bitch, what the hell is he doing here, I thought he was a cop in NJ," as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, made a call, and kept his voice low, giving instructions to whomever he was speaking to remove the guard, not only from the ballroom but from the hotel property,

They approached the room, Kate opened the door, looked around and then hung a do not disturb sign on the handle, took Rick to a chair and gently pushed him down.

"I'm sorry Rick, I know you've heard more about this than you ever wanted to, but you never heard the important part, the part that I have been too big of a coward to tell you until, well I know this is my last chance. I love you, Richard Castle, I've loved you since the third case we worked together, and I know, I know I really fucked up how I showed you."

Rick's face went from surprise to a look like where are the cameras, who's punking me, he thought he heard Kate Beckett say she loved him.

"Rick, I know you're trying to figure out how the hell could I be in love with you and flaunt other men in front of you, hell marrying one asshole, I'm telling you the truth when I say, Deming was to make you jealous, then God Damn Mattie, set me back up with Brent and I fell for a con man and all the old stories when times were good, Mom was alive and I never had to worry about being alone for the rest of my life because I was afraid to put myself out there."

"Kate, eh" Rick tried to talk,

"Rick, please let me get through this then you can toss me out and never talk to me again, or you can tell me how I can prove to you what I'm saying is true. It started with Kyra Blaine, I saw the love on your face for her, even after how badly she hurt you by allowing her mother to meddle, and I was jealous, I was hurt, and I wanted you to be jealous of me. Tom was someone that I could use, for a few weeks, make you jealous, get you to get closer to me, then let him down easy, but you jackass, you gave him a clear lane.

"The one fucking time I wanted you to tell someone we had something going you get all chivalrous and back off, God Damn it, Rick, if you had only fought for me, I never would have even gone to that class reunion, I wanted you, that's all I ever wanted was you, but I was so afraid you would reject me.

"I don't think I could have taken it, as long as we only had the sparring sessions my dream of you being my one and done was still viable, I know that's stupid, the whole idea of you, wanting me is stupid. I mean look at me compared to who you have and have had.

"Hell, Maddie had bigger boobs, and Gina, God she never ages, so what the hell would you see in me? I know, I know I'm talking a mile a minute, but I have to get this out, Rick, please just a few more minutes,

"Rick, I realized that I hurt you more than anyone else in your life ever has, and you have no reason to believe me and my words, so I'm asking you, challenge me, tell me what you want me to do to prove my love. Move to California, it's done, quit the force, it's done, and Rick believe this, you know how important this is, but I will stop looking into Mom's case, if that will prove to you, I love you more than anything, anyone, on this planet,

"I know I said a lot, I probably shocked the hell out of you, I know it did me when I finally figured it all out, and I'm sorry I was so stupid I couldn't or wouldn't see it before, so now once more Rick. I love you with all of my heart Richard Castle, I'll live every day I have left proving it to you if that's what it takes," tears began to fall, and then she totally broke down,

The two arms around her were so familiar, so strong, holding her, as she cried, sobbed uncontrollably, until she finally heard, his voice, "Kate, it's OK, just breathe, in through your mouth, out of your nose, that's it, Babe, once again,

She had cried herself into a panic attack, and she was coming out of it finally as he continued to hold her, gently swaying till she began to come back around. The first sound she heard was herself sniffling, Rick continued to hold her, then the music, why did it have to be this song, God no, not this one, she cried even harder when she heard Dan Fogelberg sing a true story, of lost love, she always cried, but now she knew how he must have felt.

_**We went to have ourselves a drink or two  
But couldn't find an open bar  
We bought a six-pack at the liquor store  
And we drank it in her car**_

_**We drank a toast to innocence  
We drank a toast to now  
We tried to reach beyond the emptiness  
But neither one knew how**_

_**She said she's married her an architect  
Who kept her warm and safe and dry  
She would have liked to say she loved the man  
But she didn't like to lie**_

_**I said the years had been a friend to her  
And that her eyes were still as blue  
But in those eyes, I wasn't sure if I saw  
Doubt or gratitude**_

_**She said she saw me in the record stores  
And that I must be doing well  
I said the audience was heavenly  
But the traveling was Hell**_

_**We drank a toast to innocence  
We drank a toast to now  
We tried to reach beyond the emptiness  
But neither one knew how**_

Rick must have heard the same message in the music because she could feel him begin to tense up as she was coming out of her crying spell, it was almost like their last three years had just been reduced to three chords and a few verses of heartbreak.

It was their story if you changed a few words, book store from a record store, she married an idiot not an architect, but to Rick, it was a step she took he would need to forgive her or the song would repeat itself, the last two lines haunting each of their future and memories, we tried to reach beyond the emptiness, but neither one knew how, God this can't end like this, it just can't she thought.

Rick looked into her eyes, and asked, "Hey you OK now?"

"Yeah, eh, I'm sorry Rick, for hijacking your book launch, and for dumping all that on you, but I'm not sorry I told you how I feel." Kate was holding on for dear life, praying for some sign,

"Yeah, about that Kate, I mean like you said, you really dumped a ton of information on me, I mean, I"

"Rick, look, I know, I had no right to do that, but you had to know, and I'm serious, challenge me, tell me what it will take to prove myself to you, I know you have a lot going on and this trip is getting more complicated, but can you see me once before you go back to California?

"I mean it can be at Remy's I just need to have one meeting with you after you've had some time to think. If you don't call, then I'll have my answer, and no one to blame but myself, if you don't want to give this a try, I'll understand.

I want you to know that no matter how far away you were from me, I never stopped thinking about you, and I never will. I'll let you get back to your party, but Rick, just remember, I honestly love you, Goodnight and thank you," She leaned in and kissed his cheek, and sadly made her way to the door,

Lanie was at the bar, and saw her coming out, and made a beeline to her.

"Come on Kate, let's get out of here, you can tell me later" as she pulled her in for a hug and they headed to the exit doors. Rick stood and watched from a curtain, then he heard,

"You're really going to let her get away Rick, you told me once that if I loved Richie, to fight for him, the best advice you ever gave. I gave Kate the same advice, and it looks like she gave it her all, she's fighting for you Rick, now you need to decide, is she worth getting over the hurt, or would you rather live your life wondering If Only. I'm ready to leave anytime you are,"

She turned and gave him some time alone, knowing this was what he wanted, what he needed.

Xx

Rick sat alone at the bar for a short while, then he made one last round of his guests, fake smile plastered on, yep, he didn't have a care in the world to anyone on the outside.

His heart was breaking from the tough love he had shown Alexis, and now Kate, why did she have to say all that stuff? It was so much easier just to put her in the compartment labeled someone I used to care about, why did she have to re-open the wounds his heart had gone through?

He completed his thank you handshakes, smiles, hugs and finally turned to Gina and nodded,

"Let's get out of here, OK?" he asked,

"Ready when you are Rick, I'm right here, right where you need me, and I'll be here for you." She knew the blowup with Alexis had been coming for a long time, but now that it had actually happened, the timing couldn't have come at a worse time. Christmas, the day Rick lived for like a little boy, was only 15 days away, and the way things stood, it would be a very different day indeed.

Alexis had broken down and called her Grams, she was staying with Paige, for now, although she wasn't sure when she was heading back to California. She was waiting on her Mother to confirm she would be home so they could spend the holiday together, something that would truly hurt Rick, even Martha acknowledged.

Martha had tried to talk her into coming back for just the holidays, saying the briefest of apologies, but Alexis was as stubborn as her father and nixed that idea. Martha had relayed the information to Gina, leaving it to her to break Rick's heart even more on the way home from what was supposed to be a very happy day of celebration.

Rick was very quiet on the way to the car, and when they entered, he sat next to Gina, took her hand and said,

"OK, tell me what's been bothering you since you left the table to take a call from Mother, I know it's about Alexis, so go ahead tell me. Mother never was good at delivering bad news, even when I was a kid" he half-smiled as he squeezed her hand.

Gina, looked into his eyes, she hated times like this, especially knowing just how big-hearted the man sitting there was, damn that little brat, she had no right she thought,

"OK Rick, you always seem to know what I'm up to anyway but your Mother did call, Alexis is safe, she's staying at Paige's for now. She's not sure of her plans, I guess Martha tried to get her to apologize so she would be here for our traditional Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day, glug, and presents but, and sweetie I know this is going to bother you"

"She's going back spend Christmas with Meredith, which I fully expected. She's probably sitting there now waiting for her to get back to her if she will be available or not, which is something she needs to experience.

"As much as it hurts me, I can't protect her, nor shield all the shortcomings of her Mom that I, and you, don't think I didn't know, how many times you covered for her Mother to keep Alexis from hating her. Well, she needs to grow up, part of that is that people lie, sometimes people you care about the most are the ones who hurt you the deepest."

"Have I ever done that to you Rick, I mean I know I we've had some doozy fights, but have I ever hurt you that deeply?" Gina held his hand with tears in her eyes,

"Hey, that wasn't meant for you, sure we had our issues, and the lawyers made it a lot worse, but nothing was ever close, to that" his voice just faded as he stopped speaking,

"Close to who, Rick, Kate? Does she know exactly what hurt you, I mean you two were work partners, I knew you loved her, only through your love letters disguised as Nikki Heat, but did she know? Are you being fair to her? I don't want to take sides, but I wonder if I were in her shoes, would I know how deeply and why you are so hurt?"

He held his head low for quite a while, Gina began to think she may have overstepped with her comments, till he looked up at her, with tears pooled in his eyes,

"Why the hell do you always have to be right, and you are, I am being unfair to her, hell she was off on her own quest for Mr. Right, I never once told her how I felt, she had the courage to do that tonight, but I don't want to just drop everything, I mean I want to take it slow with her, let her earn my trust. Is that fair, Gina?"

"It's fair to me Rick, but I'm the wrong lady in your life now, you need to start the communication with her back up, she can't except go through Walt, which I don't think she will. So, you know it, I moved my stuff to the guest room upstairs before we left, I knew you were going to start trying with Kate, and she doesn't need the ex-wife in your bed, I'm sure just being in the house will cause her enough anxiety."

Rick looked at her, tears almost ready to fall, took her hand, and then just kissed her cheek as he continued to hold her hand all the way home. When they arrived at the Loft it was very quiet, only the nightlights burning, as Rick took a note from Martha from the phone stand,

**_"Hey, Kiddo's got an invite to a party last minute so I won't be home till, well*** no smart comments Richard, I'm sure there are things that need to be discussed anyway in private so call my cell if you need me for anything, see you soon,_**

**_Mother,_**

Gina fixed Rick a drink, took off her jewelry, and sat on the couch pulling him down beside her, as she handed him the drink, she gently turned his face to hers,

"OK, for the last time this isn't hurting me, Rick, it's you searching for what I found in Richie, I could never deny you that. Once you have it, well, let's just say that nothing else in this world will matter or come close to how you feel.

"I will miss you lying next to me, holding me, and reassuring me, BUT we both knew it couldn't last forever, one of us would eventually move on. The good thing, at least for me, is you taught me that there is life after grieving, and it's OK, to be wanted, to want, and to need and be needed again.

"Thank you for that, I never would have been this far in the process if you hadn't held my hand all the way," She gently kissed his lips, then said, "You know I'll always love you, BUT it's time, time for you to work on your relationship with Kate. Don't leave her out there hanging Rick, she does love you, I know it."

"You really mean that Gina, I mean truly mean it? God knows I hurt you enough when we were together, I never would do anything to hurt you again," He said quietly, still holding her hand.

"Do you know what would hurt me Rick, and I am being honest. If you don't put your heart and soul into developing a relationship with Kate, don't go at this half-ass, don't bring up the past, it's a fresh start, please don't waste it.

"I could live the rest of my days having our arrangement and be perfectly happy **IF** I didn't know you were in love with her. I can't live that life now Rick, not until you try with Kate, truly try, if things don't work out, then we can re-visit our relationship, but don't hold that as your backup plan.

"It's not fair to Kate, you or me, so go in this with the same confidence you did when you hung around my office for two days before you asked me out, shy, cute and lovable, as you were I turned you down, remember?"

"Rejection from you? Of course, I remember, I never had been told no, well not in a very long time, but you grounded me."

"So how did you fix it, how did we wind up together?" She asked smiling

"I found out everything about you and sent you three dozen of your favorite flowers, yellow roses, a box of the chocolates you special ordered once a year, and then a singing telegram asking if I could come up to ask you out" Rick smiled, still holding her hand,

"So, you do remember, what was my response, I remember it word for word;

"So, you're not the pompous ass you want everyone to think you are, this was very sweet, what do you want to ask me?" Gina replied, laying her head on his shoulder

"Yes, straight to the point, and I asked you to go to dinner, I think we didn't spend more than two days apart after that," Rick said looking out the window,

"My point is Rick, I rejected you, you worked your ass off to woo me. It's time to man up and do the same, you already know what Kate feels, so time for you to either reciprocate or cut her loose, she deserves happiness, we all do.

"I'm going to bed, alone, let me know if you need anything and Rick, *** it's hard, it's supposed to be if it's going to last, Goodnight," She kissed his cheek and was up the stairs leaving Rick sitting on the couch.

Rick walked into his office and logged on to his computer, did a search and yes there it was, backed up to the cloud, even though he had deleted the copy from his desktop, Kate_Beckett was the tittle. He downloaded it back to his desktop, and even though he knew what was the file contained, he opened it and went directly to the picture folder. God how had he gotten away taking so many without her busting him, or maybe she knew all along?

His cell phone was in his hand, and before he knew it, a text was being typed,

"_**Kate,**_

"_**I'm so very sorry for being an Ass tonight, the only defense I have is I was shocked, totally shocked about the I love You if I even heard it correctly. It's late so text me tomorrow, I think we both need to start this process again, and I would like to apologize to you in person, thanks for showing up tonight, I don't know if I would have had the courage you did,**_

_**Always,**_

_**Rick,**_

He read it for any errors, then hit send as he opened the draft of the next book in his new series. He had only read about two paragraphs when his phone pinged with a text, the ringtone was distinctive and he knew she was up and had answered him.

He picked the phone up, hands shaking, was it excitement, or fear of rejection, he had to overcome that, he opened the text to read,

"_**Rick, I LOVE YOU, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, I'm giving you five minutes then I'm calling,**_

_**Always,**_

_**Kate,**_

As he finished reading the phone chirped her ringtone,

"Kate, I'm glad you called, I'm so sorry, I have so much to say, but just know I am sorry, you didn't deserve to be treated that way, and I am sorry,"

"Babe, shut up, no more I'm sorry, OK, we both screwed up, I just can't believe you texted me, I was just reading Heatwave, again, and missing you so much it hurt."

"OK, no more I'm sorry, well until I see you and say it in person, are you free for lunch tomorrow, I have an early signing, at 84th and Lexington, but I am free after that, *"

"I told you to name the place the time, make me prove it, of course, I'm free for you, just please Rick, don't do this out of guilt, I mean I Love You, I don't expect you to say that but please just don't do this because it's the polite or right thing to do, I*

"Shut up Kate, let me tell you I love you too, I have for so long and Gina called me out on it, she told me where I screwed up with you. I never had the courage to tell you, I just assumed you knew by my actions, but I was wrong. I can see now where I thought I was sending one message, you interpreted it as another, and I am sorry. I do love you, so tomorrow, what time?"

"Rick, before I put a damper on this, but you mentioned Gina, is she, eh, well,"

"Kate, she moved her belonging to the guest room before we even left this morning, she knew I loved you and was kicking my ass for me being so stupid. Gina is someone you have to know, I will always love, and I will do anything I can for her, **AS LONG** as it won't hurt the woman I love, you." He hears tears on the phone, "God now I made you cry,"

"Babe, these are happy tears, I swear, I never thought I would be talking to you like this, it's just, well, I don't know, I"

"Kate, can you do me a favor?" Rick asked very seriously,

"Yes Babe, anything, what is it?" she cried into the phone,

"Can you be sure the safety is on your gun when I knock on your door?"

"WHAT? What do you mean Rick, where are you?" knock, knock, knock came the sound,

She took a quick glance out of the peephole, threw open the door and pulled him into her apartment, kissing him as she had dreamed of doing for almost three years, God she really had missed him.

He must have felt the same way because the kissing went on for quite some time before she realized, this was her apartment, and as strange as it was, she had a bed, that needed christening with her lover. No one but she had occupied this bed, and she vowed until she knew for certain that Rick was gone and not coming back, no one would. She was so happy it was a virgin bed, and she showed him over and over.

Xx

**NEXT MORNING**

Kate accompanied Rick to his signing, joining Gina, who she caught privately in the ladies' room.

"Gina, I can never thank you enough for what you did, I know you could have steered him completely away from me if you had wanted to." She said sincerely,

"Kate, I did it because I love Rick, next to Richie my late husband there is no one else I loved more than him, BUT he was never that deeply in love with me, as he is you.** IF** you ever hurt him, I swear, Cop or no Cop, you will rue the day, I know guys too." She said with a smile but her tone let Kate know that Gina was like a mama bear and Rick her cub.

Do you have any advice for me, since I know you understand him better than anyone, should I be on the lookout for? Signs of worry, or when he's upset, he usually walked away by himself when we were working together, how was it at home?"

"He doesn't like being pushed, you can ask once, he will reply but if he avoids the question, leave it alone, he's dealing with things in his mind, and he'll let you know when he wants to talk about it. That goes for everything EXCEPT when you two argue, stay on his ass, don't let him walk away, odds are he will blame himself for everything increasing this feeling of worthlessness.

"Kate, were you serious about leaving the force if he wanted you to? He worries about you, even though you're not in the field as much, he still has panic attacks when he hears of a cop shooting, or death in New York, anywhere in New York."

"Yes I was, and I am Gina, look at this, it's going to be a present for him tonight at dinner," as she pulled out a framed picture of her resignation from the NYPD, she was now officially on paid leave for the next 90 days, and the Commissioner had left it open for her to return if she changed her mind.

"OK, then when we get to the Loft I'm going to make my flight arrangements home, knowing Rick he will probably be splitting time between LA and NY until you are comfortable so let me know how I can help you, and Kate', she paused, tears came to her eyes, "Just take care of him, OK?"

Kate hugged her, "I will Gina, I promise, we'll see you in a few weeks in LA" as they walked out of the lady's room with Rick looking like, OK, something is up but I'll never find out. They walked to the loft, Gina on one side, Kate on the other all with their arms around each other, ironically somewhere someone was playing Dan Fogelberg, Another Auld Lang Syne, but this time it was the start of a great day, week, month, and many years to come.

**Short Epilogue to close this one out to follow.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Another Auld Lang Syne **

**by Castlefan6 **

**Authors Note: Based loosely on the song Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg and incorporates scenes from Food to Die For. Beckett meets Brent Edwards at her HS Reunion, delaying Caskett if not derailing it completely. Also, we may take liberties with the events and timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, ****Warning THIS IS AU, with only brief flashes of Canon****.**

**I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create. **

**Previously**

"_**Kate, were you serious about leaving the force if he wanted you to? He worries about you, even though you're not in the field as much, he still has panic attacks when he hears of a cop shooting, or death in New York, anywhere in New York."**_

"_**Yes I was, and I am Gina, look at this, it's going to be a present for him tonight at dinner," as she pulled out a framed picture of her resignation from the NYPD, she was now officially on paid leave for the next 90 days, and the Commissioner had left it open for her to return if she changed her mind.**_

"_**OK, then I'm going to make my flight arrangements home, knowing Rick he will probably be splitting time between LA and NY until you are comfortable so let me know how I can help you, and Kate', she paused, tears came to her eyes, "Just take care of him, OK?"**_

_**Kate hugged her, "I will Gina, I promise, we'll see you in a few weeks in LA" as they walked out of the lady's room with Rick looking like, OK, something is up but I'll never find out. They walked to the loft, Gina on one side, Kate on the other all with their arms around each other, it was the start of a great day, week, month, and many years to come.**_

**************************************************************************************/**

**Chapter 13A EPILOGUE**

**11 Months Later**

**Castle Home**

**Hudson Yards, Manhattan NY**

The last 11 months had certainly brought a great deal of change to the Castle family, most recently the addition of Kate Beckett Castle as the wife of Richard Castle, one month earlier after 10 months of serious dating, counseling, and forgiveness for each other.

It had come slowly at first, Rick was still compartmentalizing issues and fears, until once again Gina stepped in and outed him to Kate. She sought professional help, which proved to be the turning point in their as well as Rick's personal feelings.

Once the problems, issues, hurt, and other areas were all in the open, the discussion followed, then forgiveness, so when Rick proposed, he did catch Kate by surprise. She had resolved herself to be in his life, regardless of a title or legal ownership of anything he owned, so she requested a pre-nuptial agreement, which he refused. The discussion was intense until Kate understood that when Rick said he was giving her his all, it included physical wealth as well.

They had honeymooned for one month traveling throughout Europe, the highlight being Kate sharing with Rick where she had stayed when she studied abroad. As they walked the streets, he saw the passion in her eyes as she spoke about her dreams back then, becoming a lawyer, making a difference in the world.

Once they had returned, Rick understood Kate would be at a loss for things to do during the day, she had quit the police force, well, retired, but she was still free all day. He talked her into going back to college to pursue her law degree, with the line, "look at how much money you will save me in attorney fees", she finally accepted and was scheduled to start in 4 months. Her days were full taking pre-law courses to get back up to speed, and Rick continued to write his new characters, he kidded her, "perhaps Nikki will be the next stripper lawyer".

Martha was given ownership of the loft once Kate and Rick built a new home in the Hudson Yards neighborhood of Manhattan, "she's close enough to get to her if needed, far enough away not to know what was going on behind closed doors", Rick grimaced.

One additional ray of sunshine came via Martha. She had introduced Gina to one of her students, Mark Lovella, a very wealthy businessman, who had recently lost his wife, and needed something to divert his energy to. They bonded, perhaps over the shared loss, perhaps it was the universe, but the great news was Gina and he were exclusive and if things continued on track, Gina had shared with Kate, they could be married.

Mark had two sons who absolutely adored Gina and even took to calling her Mom G, after a few months so all of her good deeds were coming back to her. She was happy, almost as much as with Richie, but both she and Mark knew, this would come close but never match the true love they had each lost.

Rick actually relocated Black Pawn back to New York once he knew Gina was serious, and only left GAR Productions in Los Angeles under the watch of Paula Haas, or Atilla the staff nicknamed her. She managed all day to day activities and proved to be just the person he needed to get things done.

Alexis had learned a very hard lesson, even with all of the warnings she had been given. She flew to Los Angeles the first Christmas to spend with her mother, who was spending it with one of her male friends in Vail, forgetting all about the promise of being there for her little girl.

One disappointment after another until she had no choice but to swallow her pride, call her Dad and ask to come home. Rick surprised everyone when he told her no, she needed to earn her way back, and that included getting a job and paying her own airfare home. He offered her an entry-level job working at Black Pawn, but he was done coddling, and Alexis started to understand what the real world was all about.

She visited her Grandmother often and was very open to Kate joining the family, apologetic for everything she had done, all the times she had been a brat, but Rick held firm. He realized a taste of the real world could not harm her, perhaps make her more empathetic to those who had less, and better prepare her for days when he would be gone.

Their first Christmas proved to be eventful, outside of Rick trying to outdo everyone in the gift-giving he conceded Kate had truly given him the best present of his life. When he had opened the small box, it was a pregnancy stick, showing positive and a note, that started "Dear Daddy, I'm not here yet, but I wanted to warn you I'm on my way",

Tears filled his eyes as he read the remainder of the note, then turned, picked his wife up and sat her gently in his lap, kissing her, the mother of his unborn child with a special passion. They both looked deep into each other's eyes when the heard the opening lines to a song neither would forget, Dan Fogelberg, singing Another Auld Lang Syne. It took on a whole new meaning to them now, and would become part of their family Christmas tradition for years to come, both knowing just how close they came to wasting the beautiful life they were given,

The End,

Hope you enjoyed, this could have gone on for many more chapters, but when I see reviews begin to dip, and comments slide to only the faithful, I try to move to the next story. Thanks to all who did read and review, I appreciate you all,

Tim


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